The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There was a point where my daugher, my sister and my boy friend were all living in my house. My boy friend was drinking, and having alot of problems with it. My daughter was not doing what she needed to do to be a productive member of the adult world. She was lying, stealing, refusing to work, and flunking in school. My sister was staying here while she was going through a divorce, and a messy one at that. I kept looking at these people around me and saying "the definition of crazy is doing the same stupid thing over and over again, and expecting a different result". I must have said it a hundred times to the three of them. One by one they left. My daughter ran away (not really, she was an adult, so she just left). My sister left owing me and most everyone in the family money. My boyfriend left because I was "always nagging him".
TODAY, it dawned on me........ I WAS THE CRAZY ONE. I was the one doing the same stupid thing over and over again, expecting a different result. I expected my daughter to grow up, but didn't force her to by sending her on her way. I just kept trying to "help" her. I was the one that kept taking mistreatment from my sister, because she "needed" me. I was the one that kept putting up with his drinking because I kept believing that "this is the last time". I kept making the same mistake over and over and over.
NOW I see that I almost encouraged their bad behavior. I set myself up as their "guardian" and they saw me as their "warden". I have contacted them all and we talked about what I had discovered. I didn't do it on purpose, but I did do it. I have admitted it to them, but more important I have admitted it to myself. I will make the changes in me so I no longer try to "help" anyone in a way that damages either them or me. I am responsible for me. They are responsible for them.
