When our literature talks about the family disease of alcoholism, they are literally saying everyone is affected. My FIL is the A and he has his issues but my MIL is even more out of control. Her behavior is erratic and because they live in a huge beautiful home, drive brand new cars with all the bells and whistles, go on vacations and portray a "got it all together" life, it is really hard to remember that they don't have it all together and that this is just the "image". Inside there lives are falling apart and they are in chaos and that is why my stomach goes into knots the minute I walk into their home and why I feel drained when I leave. 

My Husband is codependent as a result of this upbringing and because he shoves everything down and manages life okay, it's also hard to see where the disease affected him. But, as I get healthier and recover from the alcoholism I grew up with in my home as a child, I begin to see where we are so much alike - that is why we married. Both being affected by this disease in childhood, we are both codependents with a lot of baggage and defected coping skills. 

Bottom line for me is, when I remember to detach from their disease including my husbands disease of codependency, I get better. I love him but I don't like the sickness he is in. I am powerless over the alcoholic, the codependents being my MIL and husband and their sick ways of living. I can love my husband but not fall into the sickness he is in. I have to work my program really hard and continue to seek recovery for myself because when I remain out of denial and don't respond the merry go round, we have a better chance of making it. At least I keep my sanity and maybe one day, he will get so sick and tired of being sick and tired that he may want what I have.

I do it for me today and I'm so grateful I can!