The three A's Awareness, acceptance, and then action are helping me to be aware of myself and my actions towards my ABF. I have to accept he is an A but also that I make my own choices. I have to take actions that are going to help me by putting my HP and myself first. I have to accept that there are things I cannot control but that I can control my self and my reactions. Last night I was reading the steps. The first step is to admit that we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. That's something I did when i was at my wits end and didn't know what else to do. That's when I decided I would join Alanon. My A's drinking has wrecked havoc in my life. As it has with so many others who are dealing with this family disease which it truly is. But realizing that I can't control it or control him was really the first step to recovery for me. The second step admit there is a power greater then ourselves. This was not quite as hard for me since I had grown up with a HP. But, as I got older I didn't like the higher power I grew up believing in. I felt guilty all the time and slipped away from that. Then I went in search for many Higher Powers but I still felt depressed. Finally I found my HP again and am grateful for that. the third step surrender to our higher power. It's not always easy to do that but I've learned for myself when I do finally surrender I feel so much better. I don't have to walk around with these burdens on my shoulders and I know no matter how it turns out it's the way it is meant to be. Trying to control everything is exhausting. Now I'm working on the 4Th step. This is a harder one for me. But last night I was looking at the 4th step and I was trying to think of what searching means to me. To me it means looking inside myself and finding out who I am. Fearless means "having the courage to change what I can" to me. An inventory to me is everything that's inside of me. All the gunk from my past and all the goodness that's already inside of me. Yes there is blame, guilt, fear, worry, sadness, unforgiven but there is also kindness, sincerity, love, caring, and intelligence in me ready to be used. This morning I talked with my ABF. It went really well in my opinion. I set boundaries and he kept them. I detached with love and it worked. The only two times I slipped where when my A was talking about how he was going to be an atheist because it was working for him. I told him that "your HP can get you through anything" and talked about that a little bit. Maybe it wasn't my place to say anything originally I wasn't going to but he knew something was on my mind so I felt like I had to be honest. The second time I sort of slipped was when the phone got disconnected. He called back and was acting all angry and mad at me he was acting like a child really. But, he did start using when he was 15 so maybe that's why. Finally I started crying I was getting so discouraged and felt like he was really irked even though it was not my fault the phone disconnected which he then said he was sorry and that he really loved me. He said he knew I didn't hang up the phone but I asked him why he did that then? He didn't tell me I don't even think he knew. He is also bipolar so maybe that's why besides acting like a kid sometimes even though he is 24. But he did apologize to me and I could tell he felt really bad about it. Sorry it's kind of long. Thanks for letting me share.