The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
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Dear All, situation with A step moms illness has deteriorated. She needs to go to a hospice this monday. I did as much as I could yesterday without going into fix mode, though martyr mode was near at times as none of her daughters are here and one considers it too financial a burden at this time and has seen enough deterioration. I told her that was her call and that I was advising her of the situation not telling her what to do. It was not hostile. I could not get hold of one of the other daughters but she is coming next friday. I was angry over that as she is impossible to reach at times, but again thats her call, I'm over it now. Both my sons were great, I asked them for help with the situation and they both came up trumps, I am very proud of them, as we have all been honest about this situation. My youngest son sat with my father while I got some shopping done and took care of my family. A year ago, I'd have got nothing done and just freaked out, this is what alanon has done for me or I would have rescued and paid one of the daughter's fares over, not my bag. I feel very sorry for my step mother, brain cancer is not the best, its better than alcoholism though, she's not raving half as much. I know that sounds superficial but its the truth for me. My fathers lashing back the whisky but again as diva says it does have an impact, alanon has distanced me from it in many ways and I don't hide it from my sons or my close friends and acquatances, best of luck to you all, I'll keep you posted, also I don't reach for a drink myself at these times any more, I think, I write and I read all your posts.
you are in my very best thoughts and prayer MR. Sounds like you are working a great program under very tough circumstances. Keep up the great work and know we are all standing there next to you regardless of what happens or doesnt happen. Hugs and much love and acceptance, J.
I know personally I have rescued and rescued to the point of bankruptcy so I think you are doing formidably. Asking for help is also formidable. I always asked the wrong people for help. When the A was deteroriating the only person who helped at all was his Uncle. Ironically he was not someone I took to that much when I first met him.
I hope your family manges to stay intact through this. I have seen and experienced the backlash after someone died, my mother specifically. There was the initial reacing out then the pushing back and lashing out. That is indeed a real test of boundaries.
I am so glad you are leaning on this group and setting boundaries for yourself. You are letting go formidably and that is indeed a great lesson for all of us.
Both my parents died in dysfunction. I had some kind of fantasy that they would both somehow renconcile with me and achieve some kind of miraculous recovery. I did not voice those fantasies and really paid a price for it.
I am also glad you are not hiding the alcholism. I have hidden my younger sister's alcoholism all my life. Only one of my relatives talks about it. I have never really had a place to go with those feelings till I came to al anon.
You are really doing a great great job of taking care of yourself and showing your sons how a responsible person acts.
I can go either into martyr or resentment witch very easily. I am so glad I have someone around like you to show me that you can get through the worst of times without deteriorating.
