The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Family I have been out of touch for a little while and have not one excuse for it either. Things have been going well. As far as living with a docile AH can go. He works many more hours recently, which actually helps me deal with the entire situation. I do have my bad times though and wonder what the heck I am doing. Then I stop and regroup and make myself review my list of things I am grateful for. Which I had to do this morning and realized that I needed to get back here. Litterally NEEDED to get back on here. I was feeling very irritated and for no specific reason. I took a moment to think about it to be sure that I didn't really know and that I wasn't trying to cover some reason up and not deal with it. I think some of it was I was so very tired last night and didn't go to bed until 12:30. NOt a good thing to do, for me. I am such a grump when I don't get my sleep, or my coffee. So I went back to bed after I woke up early thing morning, which helped. Then I knew I had to go to the store to get coffee creamer, because that is the ONE thing I indulge in for me, everyday. So I want that coffee the exact way I like it. I deserve that! I take care of everybody and their needs all day and I have to do something for me, no matter how small it is. That one, large, cup of coffee reminds me daily to take care of me. I know it may sound silly but it's what helps me stay on track for the day. I really try not to deal with anyone before I make my coffee. It doesn't usually go well and it didn't go well this morning. I had to stop and "check" myself as to why it wasn't going well. My AH, took a second, and asked me how I was and if there was anything wrong. I actually fibbed and said I had a headache. He said I seemed a little irritated. I was actually grateful that he did that. It reminded me that he is human and has feelings. Ever so often he can come out of the "it's all about me" attitude and be helpful but I don't allow myself to get sucked into believing that will last. It usually doesn't. Most of my family is coming into town this weekend so they can take part in the election. My son, my mother and father-in-law, my brother-in-law and his family. So this weekend will be about family, which can be good or not. Since my AH likes to hide his drinking, as if nobody knows, from his family. He says it's so they don't worry about him since he has the heart condition. I said why do that, if something happens they will wonder why. I just felt like it would be better for them to know and him not to hide it. But it's HIS drinking so he can do with it what he wants. If they ask me about it, I tell them to ask him. But they know. When they ask me why, I tell them it's an all consuming disease. It cosumes all of their good sense. I also tell them that I don't have the answers and that they should look into Alanon and see what they can learn. I don't and won't push that on them, they are all grown ups and can make their own decision on how they want to deal with it. I have to remind myself constantly that I can't change anything except for what I do for me. I am glad to be back and reading posts and getting myself grounded again. Remember all, take care of yourself!
I know what you mean. These message boards really help me to get back on track. I was irritated earlier but am feeling better now. I know what you mean about having a cup of coffee and having something for yourself. I think it's important for us to have something we need to do for ourselves. Weather it's a favorite tv show, these message boars, a cup of coffee, taking a bubble bath, spending an hour with our HP. Whatever it is that gives us peace and helps us face the day and/or unwind at the end of it all.
