The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wanted to update everyone on how things are going. Even though there were a few rough days when my mom first got here, everything worked out just fine. Guess we had to get used to eachother again after not seing eachother for a year. We really had a great few weeks together. We even briefly talked about my bf's past drinking and him being sober now. She understands more than I thought and she can relate some because of my parents mutual friend who has been sober for 20 years. They knew their friend during his drinking days too.
My relationship with my bf is better now. I'm better at using the alanon tools now, we talk more, can laugh together more, I don't complain as much, accept eachothers opinions better. There are things that I have accepted. I don't worry about things that I used to worry about as often anymore.
My mom and I did have some wine and it was not a problem regarding my A. I think he is maturing more, it has been almost 7 months now since his last drink. I also now realize that there are phases I had to go through to get to where I am now and where we are in our relationship. About every month seemed to be a new phase with different emotions, worries, and concerns. I have accepted that it does take time and am grateful for being able to experience life without his drinking and growing together.
At times when my mom projected about something or said something about someone elses life or problems I used my alanon tools and said some slogans to her. Btw. my A finished his outpatient program and continues to go to AA which I'm grateful for. When he had to go to a meeting while my mom was here I told her where he was going and she agreed with me that it was a good thing.
We took a short trip without him over a weekend. He didn't want to stay the night and we did, so I told him it was his choice to go or not go. It would have been pointless to go and not stay the night. So he did not go and I was fine with it. Pre alanon I would have freaked out about why he didn't want to go, where he was going instead. I think he was surprised that I didn't make a big deal out of him not going. He frequently called while we were gone, everything was fine.
One night about a week ago I had a bad flashback, which I'm sure is normal. I was walking into the livingroom where he was and heard a can open. Geez I saw him open a budweiser can. Well it was a soda can not budweiser but the image in my head was so real, so wierd. I told him I just had a bad flashback, he knew what I was talking about. I let it go.
All in all things are fine except for one thing, no intimacy. This has been an issue for many months now. I'm not sure what else to do about it if anything. I decided a while back not to push it, not to mention it, it will work out on its own. Well I'm not so sure about that anymore. Maybe someone has some esh?
It sounds like you and your boyfriend are doing very well. I'm not really sure what to say about the intimacy issue except that give it some time. I've heard many men in recovery are not intimate at least not for a little while. That they can end up not being very affectionate. But, I've not had that experince with my boyfriend. But, I guess it really depends on the people.
You sound so good! I'm glad you had a good time with your Mom. Those flashbacks are very normal. I had them. I would wake up swetting at night. I'd turn to hubby and there he was snoring away as peaceful as ever. It wasn't the snore of the alcoholic either. I had to realize that there was nothing I could do if he was going to drink. An addict is gonna do what an addict is gonna do, sober or not. The intimacy issue is normal too. They are dealing with so much. Hubby told me that it had nothing to do with me, that it wasn't because he stopped loving me. It was just too much at the time. This too shall pass. Keep doing what you are doing. I wish you both continued success on your recoveries. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
((( buick ))) love you, nice to see u back posting!
True, it all sounds great in your respective recoveries. You already know my opinion on intimacy, I think it is something that deserves attention and needs to be talked about but in all honesty, I've never been w/ a recovering A.
love u bunches! -k
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
