The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Tonight my AH left again. Saying he needed to "sleep" and although he slept all last night and all day today he insisted on leaving. I feel like such a sucker. He has broken so many of his promises to stop drinking or drugs. I've finally started trying to go to meetings and of course he hates it and makes it very difficult for me to get out. I am taking steps to get a babysitter so that my two babies can be watched while I get to a meeting and do things to help myself feel sane. Now I can't sleep, I know he is not sleeping... I am obsessing on his phone log and have seen him make some random calls, probably for drugs. I just don't know how I keep it together. My parents were over today and I feel like they are just staring at me like they know something is wrong. What used to be fun laughing times with my family is now strained and I'm just wishing they would leave me alone. I am so embarrased. I don't really have a question, just hoping I could get some support since I'm not sure where else to turn.
Please fess up to your parents about what is going on in your home . they could be your support for going to meetings . * they might look after the kids for you while u attend a meeting * they don't need to know the details just that his drinking is causing u a probem and at the moment u choose to stay in this relationship and ask for thier support . share with them that your going to Al-Anon . and remember your not responsible for his behavior and the shame u feel does not belong to you , it's his disease leave it with him where it belongs. When I finally told my dad that my husb was an A , i was scared to death but he just looked at me and said* well that explains alot * mom said move home u don't have to live with that . I told her i chose to stay and ask that she support that decission for now . she did . I didn't tell parents how bad it was either just that there was a problem . If u need to talk come here or go to meetings parents just don't understand , they are just parents and want the best for us . I had to be reminded that I didn't marry an alcoholic , I married a nice young man who drank a little , this is progressive and it gets worse never better . and I also had to realize that this is not what my husb planned on doing with his life either, alcoholic was never one of his goals . goodluck Louise
Unfortunately, I've been where your at. My AH left in the middle of the night with no note, and no explanation. He was off doing his drugs, while I was left for days on end trying to explain to our two children where Daddy went. I had no idea, but needed to keep up the facade that everything was OK. Eventually, it all came out in the open, and it was a relief not to have to pretend anymore. It's not your fault, and there is nothing you can do to change him. All you can do is take care of yourself. I used to tape together phone records to try to piece the numbers together..... as I look back, it was such a waste of my energy and my life. I have learned to take the focus off of the "bad" he may or may not be doing, and turn it into quality time for MY life. Knowing the phone numbers he dialed will NOT change the situation, and focusing on his behaviors is a strain on you. Take that energy you are using to focus on him and his issues, and turn it towards helping yourself through this difficult time. You are worth it.
Abbyal had some solid suggestions and I am always wowed by the elders. I will add just a tidbit. We used to talk about the "downward spiral" of mind, body, spirit and emotions because of the progressiveness of the disease and the need to interfere with or stop it. Going to face to face meetings is effective at interfering with and stopping the downward spiral. In the rooms there is only recovery and shared recovery experiences and support. Outside of the rooms you are face to face with the disease and it is cunning, poweful and baffling. I would suggest that you are qualified for the program and I know that there is an empty chair waiting for you. If the meeting doesn't have child care maybe Abbyal's suggestion will work. Give it and us a try as soon as you can.
Thanks so much for the support. It helps to hear that there are others that were in my place & can relate. I'll be making my way into a face to face meeting soon!
He came back late last night then left and came back again and was making so much noise that he woke up our son very early in the morning. I asked him to leave and it was a destroy the house mission on his part, cops called, etc. So he is out and I had the courage to write him and ask him to move out... and although it may not be my place I told him that he could not come back until he was sober for 30days - with proof - and we start getting counseling. When he read the letter and picked up some clothing, he did not sound like he wanted to get sober and make ammends. So now it is up to me to continue living and moving on with my life with my 2 kids. And although I will be alone, which is very hard for me to swollow, I know that my higher power holds the key to the future and that everything will be ok. I just have to keep telling myself, God has a bigger plan for my life and I know it is better than anything I can do for myself. Now I'm desparately trying to take it one day at a time and get my life sorted out.
