The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good Sunday morning to you all. I hope you are enjoying your weekend. I wanted to share this story with you. Even though I no longer have an A in my life due to my hubby's passing, I still need to use my program. The program doesn't leave us because we no longer have As in our life. This is a life long program and I am so grateful for it and all of you who have taught me so much.
Several weeks ago we hired a new assistant manager. I was sad to see the old one go, but happy for his promotion. As usual this person came in and we had heard a lot of mixed things about him. I tried not to judge him because I wanted to give him a fair shot. The first day was a bit rocky and many people were saying how much they didn't like him. I urged them to give him a chance. It's not easy coming into a new place, especially when the old manager was liked by everyone. Well the second day he was horrible with me and it continued all week and the following week. Our store manager was on vacation and everyone was ready to revolt. He was saying incredibly inappropriate things to me, to rest of the staff and to the customers. Other managers were ready to walk out the door. I was seconds away from calling human resources on him. I decided to wait until our manager came back from vacation.
I was desperately trying to use my Alanon tools. Somewhere I had misplaced my toolbox! NOTHING WAS WORKING! It was like I was having all those horrible feelings when hubby was drinking and long before I found you all. There was no serenity, only chaos. My blood pressure was up and I was cranky and miserable with everyone. Even coming home was awful. I was mad at Tim for dying and leaving me all alone to deal with this. I'm thinking, great now I have to go out and find another job! In this economy? In this area? Who's gonna match what I make there? I was still searching for my toolbox. DARN THAT THING! WHO HID IT ON ME?
Fast foward, our manager came back. The new one was starting to mellow out. Apparently there was a long hard talk with this guy. I was skeptical at first. Is he just playing a game to get by? Or is this genuine? Did that even matter? Well I had been thinking long and hard about what to do. I was pretty much stuck where I was. Jobs are hard to find in this area. I had two choices: make it work and find my serenity again or keep doing the same thing all over again and still feel miserable. Sounds like those choices we make in recovery. Hmmm... maybe that toolbox is right in front of me and I just haven't tripped over it yet. I decided to give it another chance with this man. After all, I may or may not like the man, but he is my boss. I have to respect the position. Okay so here I am saying the Serenity Prayers - lots! You know what? It worked! I started looking at him as a human being with foibles. Just like me. He changed his approach and I changed mine. Hmm...sound like recovery to me. Well we started talking a bit. It turns out he's not such a bad guy. I still don't like the way he talks to some of the employees but I can't fix that. I'm just trying to keep my side of the street clean. All I can do is when other employees come to me I encourage them to talk to him and the other manager. Suddenly my Serenity has returned. ODAT is working again. Letting Go and Letting God is working again. AHHH... what a glorious feeling. (Now all I have to do is get through the holiday retail season.)
As for Passing it On, here's the other part of the story. After talking with him and giving him a bit of my history, he felt comfortable enough to tell me about his sister. It turns out his sister is an addict and is also a battered woman. He doesn't understand why she doesn't leave him. I start talking to him about this disease called addiction. I tell him about Tim and his recovery and relapses. He says to me, that I'm the first person who seems to understand. I tell him there are alot more of us out there who understand. It's called Alanon. He said he will check it out.
Well his sister entered recovery, apparently court mandated. I've asked a couple of times on how she's doing. The progress is good. She gets out tomorrow. I took my Camel coin and asked him to give it to his sister. I told her to tell her I wish her all the luck in the world with her recovery. He was very touched by that. I felt the need to pass the coin on to someone who can use it. I have hubby's coin, and that's all I need.
For those of you who don't know the camel story it says this: "The camel each day goes twice to his knees. He picks up his load with the greatest of ease. He walks through the day with his head held high, and stays for that day completely dry." Now I always liked that saying because it reminded me to be proud of who I am and that I can handle anything. I may fall down, but I can get back up.
Thanks to my Alanon family and the blessings of this program I was able to get through this. I have the ability to pass it on to others. Always remember what we have been given is a gift and we should pass it on whenever we get the chance. I thank you all for the gifts you have given me. Much love and blessings to you and your families. Love and blessings to all the MIP animals too. They are a huge part of our recoveries. Enjoy your weekend.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
-- Edited by Karilynn at 17:45, 2008-10-26
-- Edited by Karilynn at 17:49, 2008-10-26
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you so much for your es&h. I really identified with it. I too seem to have lost my tool box recently, and without I'm lost. We all come into contact with so many people in our working lives and its easy to slip into old behaviours, reacting etc The way you applied the program to your situation is inspirational for me.
This progaram really does Work if you Work it.
With love hugs and Gratitude Carol, oh and tickle Pipers Kitty under the chin for me
Was deciding to go to the morning meeting and first check in on the board. And here was my morning meeting. Gosh I read alot from your post that is just how I react also until I trip over my tool box LOL. Thinking about our recovery philosophy of "Doing the next right thing"? You had it all about covered here. Thanks soooo much for the lucid ESH.
I am packing my tool box today to take with me tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for reminding me to do so. (where's the flame thrower? lol) Tomorrow I'm going to a memorial for a 50 yr. old friend that for years was a drinking/golfing buddy of my husband's. He was a highly functioning alcoholic, but alcoholic none the less. He was divorced and childless. His parents decided to bury him in Iowa so his friends are putting on the memorial for the people here. My tool box will be needed because the memorial is being held at the "the bar" and a Budweiser representative is going to show up to make a toast. My knee jerk reaction was disgust and refusal to attend.
Then I recalled it was him that called me daily when hubby was sick. It was him that cried on the phone with me. He told me he never went to see hubby in the hospital because he knew he would fall apart. I'm going to the memorial for him and what he meant to me. I need to say Goodbye for me. If/when it turns in to a reason for drunks to get drunk, I can leave. My focus needs to stay on me and what I feel I need to do. It's surely not going to be easy no matter what. I have a lot of bad memories connected to that place and the people but I feel the love for a friend needs to trump all. Hubby can't be there so I'll represent us both as best I can. I'll be holding your hand in my mind sister friend. luvs ya Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
wow, I sure can relate. I need to take that toolbox to work more, too. I have a co worker who has been driving me nuts and I need to just back off. Another one, too. I have been taking things a little too personally lately, at work. Even my boss has noticed and very lovingly has instructed me to go home early on Friday! And I know, I needed some time off and sure enough, over the weekend I can see that I need to just let go and let god. I cannot control anyone but myself, etc. all the same program stuff- thank god for this program which lets me back up and take a look and make adjustments and get back on course after reflection and self love. Thanks for your post, it really reminded me that we are all doing the very best we can with what we have and that we need to extend compassion to everyone around us, even (and especially) to those who chap our hides a little. Hugs, J.
Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Thanks so very much for reminding me to always look at that person who may be doing something that could annoy, upset, anger...(you name it!) me as just another human going through life with their own set of circumstances. It reminded me so clearly that all I have to do is look back at me....how I was before al-anon. I know I wouldn't have wanted to be around me much either! But I also know that behind that sometimes "sour faced," grumpy, unfriendly exterior was a wonderful person who was suffering from the affects of untreated "alanonism".
What an incredible gift it is to read this. I sometimes doubt my ability to take care of myself. I loved the story of the camel coin. The world is blessed to have you in it. You could so easily be in the victim role but instead you choose to have a tool box and use it.
I am very boundaried these days but one gift of the program for me is to let go. When things happen I let go of them far more quickly. I do not redigest them day in day out.
Thanks for your post. Work was crap for me last week. I totally lost my toolbox. Yelled and got yelled at. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I think I just hit a wall with this person. I have been sleepless and morose. Don't know what to do. Thanks for reminding us that there is a toolbox. Wonder which tool I should grab for? Well, I did send an e-mail with an apology. I really don't want to repeat it.
I decided to wait until our manager came back from vacation. 
Hmmm... maybe that toolbox is right in front of me and I just haven't tripped over it yet. I decided to give it another chance with this man. After all, I may or may not like the man, but he is my boss. I have to respect the position. Okay so here I am saying the Serenity Prayers - lots! You know what? It worked! I started looking at him as a human being with foibles. Just like me. He changed his approach and I changed mine. Hmm...sound like recovery to me. Well we started talking a bit. It turns out he's not such a bad guy. I still don't like the way he talks to some of the employees but I can't fix that. I'm just trying to keep my side of the street clean. All I can do is when other employees come to me I encourage them to talk to him and the other manager. Suddenly my Serenity has returned. ODAT is working again. Letting Go and Letting God is working again. AHHH... what a glorious feeling. (Now all I have to do is get through the holiday retail season.)
He said he will check it out. 
But I also know that behind that sometimes "sour faced," grumpy, unfriendly exterior was a wonderful person who was suffering from the affects of untreated "alanonism".