The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been here before, but not for a while now... though the story remains the same.
My Ah left again tonight. This time though I don't have a clue where he went. Things have been rough, for a long time, but the past week, lots and lots of sadness within me and hopeless "discussions" with him. He had his daughter and her 4 kids here when I got home from work. And when I realized that he had been drinking and had just gotten back home from driving through town with our 4 yr old son - that was the final straw. I told him we were not going to discuss how much or how little he had to drink. That I was thoroughly disgusted that he'd do that and the only thing that has acheived is a complete loss in my ability to trust him alone with our son. Period. So, he sulked, he ordered food, began packing his belongings. He went to get the food. Then continued to pack. He ate. Then carried out bags and bags of stuff to his truck. And you know what I did? I played my guitar with all the kids and we had a "rock band show"!!! :)
I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him HE's THE PROBLEM - NOT ME! I wanted to tell him how freakin' inappropriate he is being. I wanted to tell him what an ass he is....
And I played my guitar. And when his daughter left with her children, I watched him leave shortly thereafter. Without a word.
Hold on tight Rora. Keep comming, keep posting. It will all be ok. You are doing great!!! Would have been really hard for me to play the guitar and not hit him with it. Look at you detaching and having self control!!!!
Well, rora, you draw a line in the sand and this is a good thing. It is not suppose to go well because we are dealing with alcoholism. Honor your feelings. You will be ok. Keep coming back.
yeah, I would have wanted to hit him over the head with the guitar, too- instead you made lemons into lemonade. Nice work and keep coming back here- J.
I've been where you are..... it's such an ironic place to be. Sad, because this isn't what you want. Relieved that he is out and you don't have to walk on egg shells. You play that guitar lady!!! Turn it over to your HP, and take it one day at a time. What will be, will be. Stay strong!
I heard from my Ah today via text. Well actually 2:30am, likely under more of the influence... and he's gonna quit drinking, he's sorry, he doesn't want to lose us, he knows i don't trust him and so he'll have to show me ... etc sigh... if only i could believe it and he wanted to come and get his phone charger so I asked him to do that when i wasn't home and gave him a time. He didn't come to get it. It's a game. I know that. But it doesn't mean it's easy, does it?
Today I went to the Pumpkin Patch with our 4 yr little guy! And we went for a bike ride and a long walk with the dog.
I toggled in my mind of how to address things with our son. I decided to "not" talk about could be more harmful. Like not talking about the "pink elephant" in the LR. So, it was the hardest thing to say to my son, "some Mommy's and Daddy's live in different houses" We talked about how some Mommy's and Daddy's argue too much, so they live in different houses so that they can't argue and fight. My little guy said, "yah, sometimes when I am asleep you and DAddy argue and wake me up" ugh.... and this is why the time is NOW to move forward.
