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Post Info TOPIC: Bipolar excuse?


Veteran Member

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Bipolar excuse?


Well, here's a new one he's come up w/, and I'm either too dumb to accept it as an excuse or is it valid? ABF has always been lazy, sleeps 90 % of the day, blows off work and me and children and then can be the overactive attentive BF. Well he relapsed a couple weeks a go. Lost yet another job and is now wanting to "come Home" cuz he loves me...don't worry, I already know the truth to that one. ( no money, no job, come home to me to care for him...blah blah) 
Anyway- he has made an appt at a counselors office,says he thinks he is bipolar and that's why he thinks he can drink and control it. When he's in his "manic" state? Do you or have you heard of this as being a valid reason, or am I falling trap to yet another excuse?


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People may not remember what you did or what you said but they will remember how you made them feel...


~*Service Worker*~

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As we study, go to meetings and learn more, we realized the one we learn to wonder about is us.

I want to ask what difference does it make if the A is bi polar, ptsd, mpd?

NO worries, we all want to know why and what and how about our A. He could easily be an addict and also many other diseases may plague him.

Hopefully this counselor is a psychiatrist who can really help and one who knows about addiction.Unless this counselor is schooled in addiction, for me and my A it was moot to even go there.

Sometimes people go into denial. Being an addict has some negative feelings to it. Easier to face it is bi polar,depression, adhd on and on.

What difference would it mean to you? You are wise to his symptoms. He is very sick.

So for you, there are meetings, chat here, meetings here, great literature and also doing just what ya did, being brave enough and caring enough to come here and share.

We can make ourselves crazy, been there, trying to figure it out.
In the whole spectrum sooner or later you will know. More knowledge  will help you.

Also taking care of you helps too. The stronger you are the better.

Glad you are here. I hope your A will continue to look for help. that is a very good sign! love,debilyn

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~*Service Worker*~

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Have to agree with Debilyn on this one. It almost doesn't matter what the diagnosis is but how we cope. That is go to meetings, read the literature, and take care of ourselves and look at our own diseases.

In support,
Nancy

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~*Service Worker*~

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Um, sure he can be bipolar. So. He could have red hair, or 11 toes or twitch every time Celine Dion sings...So.

My ex was bipolar, schisophrenic (never could spell it), PTSD, ADHD, AND a crackhead/alcoholic. So were his sisters, father and uncles. WHo knows about his mother although she had major depressions but she was also with alcoholic abusers. Who cares.

Let him be bipolar. Do some research if you really want to know what living with a cycling bipolar is like (hell). As our good friend here likes to say "what are YOU going to do?"

My ex went on meds for about a year I think. He got up to 300 pounds, he slept all the time, messed himself, drooled, snored and was just not himself. He went off the meds and voila! he was a crackhead again.

Read up on it, it is an interesting disease and it is hereditary. Good luck, but don't worry if he is what he is. It changes nothing about the past and taking a pill for a mental illness will not stop him from being an alcoholic.

Oh yeah, it is the most common diagnoses for alcoholics=bipolar

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~*Service Worker*~

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Aloha Soconfused!!

He may be bi-polar and then...maybe not.  Drinking is a choice and bi-polar is
not.  Sounds like he's playing doctor with himself.  Alcoholics have a life
threatening disease rooted in the compulsion and recovering alcoholics will
advise, "don't pick up the first drink", go to meetings, call  your sponsor and
stay with your Higher Power.  Those who suffer from bi-polar or the manic
depressive syndrome can have an onset conditioned around alcohol and if
they don't drink they have a better chance of surviving the highs and lows.
(alcohol contributes to the lows).  They take meds and they learn about their
condition so that they won't have to keep be dominated by it.  There are some
meds that are  used to reduse the propensity of drinking however an alcoholic
will drink inspite of them and the result at times can be death.

I learned to laugh at those times in recovery when I remembers using the
phrase "I think".  Actually I didn't learn how to do that until I got in recovery.
Today most of my thinking is for entertainment purposes only.

Go find some face to face meetings for yourself and get so real feedback on
what you can do for your own peace of mind and serenity.  If you keep doing
the same things over and over again expecting different results you'll probably
experience some bi-polar symptons yourself.

Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

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~*Service Worker*~

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SC, regardless of mental illness diagnosis you need to focus on you and what is best for you. Not fixing him. Not analyzing him, not attending to his health needs. Try fixing yourself and analyzing yourself and attending to your own health needs. I just got divorced from a man who is bipolar, has been diagnosed for years. Self medicated. The part I could not tolerate was when the abuse and violence became physical. When that line got crossed, I left in the middle of the night with only the clothes on my back in a rental car. Was it the disease that made him behave that way? Probably but that is not the point. The point is, that kind of relationship was getting more and more toxic and I needed to keep myself safe and alive and eventually get happy! Which I did but its taken me like 3 years to get there. But I am there. I am so happy, its almost embarassing. Hugs, J.

PS: a hallmark of BPD is that the person with the illness does not think that they have BPD so if yours is saying that is what he has, its pretty unlikely he actually does. And god help him if he does, I would not wish that on anyone and believe its actually worse than having the disease of alcoholism. And when you got both- watch out- all I can do is thank my lucky stars for the half way decent health I enjoy today as a direct result of being in recovery.

-- Edited by Jean4444 at 06:44, 2008-10-24

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~*Service Worker*~

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(((((Soconfused))))),

Absolutely he can be bipolar.  I have known bipolar addicts.  But that only EXPLAINS the behavior, it doesn't EXCUSE it.  That's why they treat bipolarism.  In the end, none of this matters because it's about taking care of US that is the focus of the program.  My beloved Tim had many "issues": super anxiety, sleep disorder, spinning thoughts and other health problems.  Yes he drank to stop the pain and the thoughts.  But the main reason he drank was because he was an addict and had a disease.  He was sober for a long time, and he managed his other issues with treatment.  He did really well.  

Having said that, this program is about us.  How you handle his drinking.  How you handle his disease and it's impact on you and your family.  I was not about to die for my A's disease.  I loved him with all my heart.  I miss him every day.  But there was no way I was going down while he was active.  This program is about taking back our lives, and our recovery.  It's about living the life we so richly deserve.  BOTTOM LINE: THIS IS ABOUT US, NOT THEM.  It doesn't mean that you can't be compassionate about their plight.  But you don't have to die for it.  Please get to some meetings and learn all you can.  Alanon has given me some great tools.  I will keep them the rest of my life.  Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty smile


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~*Service Worker*~

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The only thing I know for sure is that an alcoholic will do and say anything to get what they need . I have several friends who also have bi polar but work and earn a living and have decent lives to show for it . oh and they are also recovering alcoholics .  bi polar and active alcoholism have similar symptoms am no doc sooooo who knows , depression is common with alcoholism , starts out making u feel good turns on you and the switch flips and it becomes a depressent .  either way why work if your willing to support him ?????? they will do what we allow it's really that simple to me , bi polar or not unexceptable behavior is still unexceptable behavior , keep the focus on you and your children and u will be fine with or with out him . Louise

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~*Service Worker*~

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the A who I was with had many excuses, two life threatening illnesses, mental health issues. He was pretty adamant about his issues. He was not so empathic about mine. All his were valid, all mine were invalid. Didn't matter what the context was mine were invalid.

I didn't "see" that for a long long long long time.

I was totally embedded in his world and lost my own.

Maresie.

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maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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I have bipolar disorder & so does my Ah.  This is not an excuse
to drink nor is it just mania!  I am very experienced in this area
& think that an alcholic is indeed an alcholic even if he or she
has bipolar disorder.
There are a lot of us out there who drink when they are manic
but some do actually stay sober if they have the ability to
be honest like it says in HOW IT Works in Chap. 5 of
the Big Book of AA.  Maybe you are not familiar with this
but mental illness is included there.  Maybe you should
read up more on BD.  It would really help.
I am very passionate about this subject & hope that
counselor will get it straight.
I hope I didn't misread what you said.
Hang in there!
Kathleen

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Hoot Nanny


Veteran Member

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Just to reply- I never thought bi-polar is an excuse to drink, nor does it mean it is a cure of any kind. What I am saying is that A seems to think that it is. And was wondering if bipolar mania state overtakes your thought process to justify that drink.? Reality goes out the window? I didn't know much on the subject and thought you guys may have insight on this. To me it seems as if he is looking for a "it's not my fault" reason.
 That's all I was asking- never intended to offend anyone, sorry if I did.

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People may not remember what you did or what you said but they will remember how you made them feel...


Senior Member

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My A Fiance is an addict and also has bipolar. But A and bipolar have very similar behaivors. But if he is bipolar he will be really up one day and then really down. He could be laughing and then angry the next minute. I've seen how this cycle can be. He takes meds but not all the time. If he is bipolar then no he can not control that except to take meds but those can have side effects. Being an addict addicts will do and say almost anything to keep there addiction going. Only a doctor can say weather he is bipolar or not. But, I would not use him being bipolar as an excuse for his drinking. Meaning even if he is he should not use it as an excuse not to go into recovery and get help.

Christina

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