The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been married to my soulmate for 16 years. The past 10 years the lies and mood swings have been sucking every inch of life out of me. I know I need to get better for me and our children. I know I am taking one step at a time. I know my HP has given me the strength to come this far. I know I am opening a new door. I know there is only positive a healthy outcome from me brecking our horrible, fake lifestyle that I have let happen. These are my ups today.
I miss him so much. I feel so alone. My angels are mad at me because daddy is not here. He won't give me any money. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help from the state and town I live in. He states he has bills of his own now. Doesn't he see how much we love him and what he is doing to us? I want him to love us and be responsible as an adult to take care of us. I hate what alcohol and drugs have done to us as a family. I want to find him and melt into his arms and go back to my horrible, walking on eggshells, lie after lie lifestyle. I want to talk to him sooooo bad. My heart is broken all because of drugs and alcohol. This is my down.
Hi Just to share some hope I was where you are today a battle going on between my heart and my head. My heart ached for the man I loved and my head told me I could not take anymore I needed to take care of myself and my children. My sponsor gave me some good things to think about. I could not change him only myself, I needed to make healthy choices for my children and my own future. So I started doing just that one day at a time. I found myself worrying about the future if I would loose him forever. I got up every morning and worried about my life my choice YES it was very hard. But it paid off the stronger I got the more I loved me and stopped trying to chznge and help him the more he realised he was loosing me. He begged and promised this is when I set my boundaries what I want need every time he breaks one I stick to my word and stay strong in the end he begs to come back he is breaking these boundaries less and less. He is still drinking but not in my home by my kids he now has a job and life is so much better. It was not him who change it was me. I finally love me and make decisions that are good for me. I know it hurts and we miss them but tuff love does work dont give in ride the storm use evry tool in alanon good luck hope this helps
Hi Kelly... your post struck a chord with me, if only that it is such a common thread, and one that I surely went through myself..... You are longing for the man he used to be, the man he was before his addiction...... but the reality is the reality.....
Today, if you had him back, you would get a sick, deceitful person, whose love for his addiction outweighs any love he has for you and the kids.... His actions are showing this to you, literally every day, but you are longing for a man who, at least for today, doesn't exist.
All you can do is get yourself better, for your sake, and for the sake of your kids.... He may smarten up and get himself better too, or he may not.... Either way, you're better off for getting yourself healthier....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
It is hard to be separated. But as others have said, we are separated from the disease and if he came back it would be back with the disease. I have been separated from my AHsober for over three years (his decision). It has been difficult. I long for what does not exist anymore. He does not work a program. My grown sons are more angry at me than their dad. Go figure, he left. But we grieve, stay strong, work our program so their is change in us, and realize that there is a new relationship. Usually not what we want. Go to meetings, read the literature, and take care of you.
I'm with you too. Seperated from my AH for 4 months now. I want him back too, although he doesn't seem to miss me. This hurts me most. How can you not miss someone that you've been with for 20 years? I try to tell myself not to take it personally and that this is part of his illness. I'm praying for the strength to stop trying to communicate with him regarding us, anything I say just doesn't sink in. He just goes off on everything I've ever done wrong, this keeps him from looking at himself. I'm going to work really hard at not going to those fights anymore, I was doing good but slipped the last couple days. When things get hard, I try to remember one of last things my dad told me before he passed from terminal cancer last year..He just received the news, we had a cry together and he got a stiff upper lip and said "We need to toughin up." End of the tears. He's my strength but I'm not feeling very tough today.
