The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im new to alanon & to this forum, but not new to alcoholism.I was married 21 years to an A & it took me 15 years to get the courage to leave.Now I am again with an A, who does not like my teenage son & vice versa.When I met him he was in recovery & was a wonderful man.However, he is back to the rollercoaster ride of drinking, then remorse, then drinking.I cant talk to him because hes either drunk or hung-over & really crabby.I find myself letting all his actions, emotions & whatever else control how I think, feel & act.And trying to keep the peace in the household.Needless to say its not working . . . there is no peace.I feel like Im walking on eggshells all the time.I was going to tell him on Monday that he needed to either go into treatment or live somewhere else because I cannot live like this anymore, but I would still be there to support him.However, on the Friday before . . . he got laid off from his job.Which of course makes me feel like I cant tell him that now, its like kicking a dog when hes down.I did tell him that I wasn't happy with his drinking and that it affects me too, which is the first time I've said anything to him about it because I know not to nag.I love him very much & know the good man inside. I feel that I have been patient and kind to him throughout the past 3 years & various attempts at sobriety.But I feel like love has nothing to do with it anymore.Im really struggling right now.Before I left my ex I was miserable, wanting to cry all the time, physically ill and not being a good mom.Thats exactly how I feel now . . . again!Which in turn makes me feel like the fool . . . again!!
I'm happy you found this board and family. There are a lot of program people he with helpful/awesome Experience Strength and Hope. We will support and love you as you learn to support and love yourself.
If he has been in recovery before a third suggestion to him might be, "Call your sponsor."
Hi nocontrol I would not say you are a fool I have been where you are today and Alanon has brought me back to sanity.
We love the drinker but we have to remember he is ill you say you are letting yourself be affected by his drinking. I chose not to do thids anymore I detached with love. I love my partner so much but I had to change my behaviour because I was becoming ill myself. I didnot want to struglle anymore. I started making healthy choices for myself. I asked him to stop drinking in my home if he turned up drunk I never opened the door no matter how hard it was. I started loving me making healthy choices for me and it is working. He still has slips but is respecting me because I am loving and respecting myself.. The biggy for me was saying what I meant and sticking to it. Sympathy never helped me or him it turned me into a doormat anf fiiled him with guilt. Once I started saying no this is not acceptable and sticking to the consequences I had stated his behaviuor gradually changed he stiil tested me but I love me and deserve a good life hope this helps.
Welcome nocontrol.......I am new here but not new to the disease of A. I am howeverl learning to live all over again at the age of 40 and am happy to be here. Keep coming back:)
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
