The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today marks almost the end of very hard week. I have had the grandbaby since Friday afternoon; his Dad (my son) moved in lock, stock, and barrel to be here also. My spouse had back to back surgeries last Wednesday/Thursday; he came home weak and spent Friday. So here I am with a very active toddler wearing a cast/walking boot, a recovering A, and a patient with a catheter!! There were meals to do, cleaning and sanitizing, watching child about the cast, monitoring everything. I have been falling into bed by 10 PM; that hasn't completely alleviated the extreme fatigue which comes from my own post-cancer treatments.
My point: having the strength to cope with all this is pretty amazing to me. All I can figure is that HP is helping me out. My son has done a great job, but I must also admit that the two of us walk on eggshells most of the time. I certainly give him lots of credit though; he is sober and supportive. Just the edgy personality, you know?
My EX-DIL has called two and three times a day from her perch in some fancy spa in New York with her boyfriend; she wants to know if child is crying for her or anything. NO......I just tell her he is doing fine, which he is. I tell her his Daddy and he are doing great, Daddy is getting to do things he doesn't get to do on a daily basis, etc. She REFUSES to even comment...like couldn't she say "Im glad" or "good"......I don't know. I know that I resent like heck that she had the guts to leave this child here knowing the situation with my spouse. But this morning, even before she returns from this 5 day trip, she is asking me if we are going to be up to the 7 day trip (Carribbean cruise for 7 days with boyfriend) in about three weeks!! As IF she would even consider not going. I just said that this time had been rough, but hopefully we wouldn't have health issues to deal with as much in three weeks. I don't think I am being unreasonable to be resentful. Or am I? I bring it on myself because I will not say no to keeping my grandbaby; she wouldn't cancel the trip regardless, she would just leave him with anyone who would agree. I already know this, so I say yes and do the best I can. I do find 12 days of leisure vacation in about 5 weeks time a bit extreme; I know few to no people who can do that.
Just wanted to check in for those of you who follow my soap opera!!!
Joyoma, how is it you know just when I need to see a post by you and read?! (((hugs)))
It has been so long since I have seen my grandchildren that perhaps you can sneak in an extra hug to your grandson for me?
I have been struggling with the transportation issue lately as I was so angry when my parents demanded I hand the Nissan over to the youngest AD after she totalled her car, and now she has finally financed another car, and I have been so isolated the past two months other than rides to meetings that I had to make a decision to either stick to my guns and take the Nissan back to my folks as I originally planned, or have the freedom to get around more and remind myself throughout the day that when I complete college, I will have the education to get that job and be financially independent.
My 5 college classes have also proven to be a bigger load than I had originally anticipated, so I do the best that I can each day, and work hard not to have that crazy perfectionism set in like it's been trying so hard to do!
Add to that this new problem with a continual muscle spasm in my back from the bulging disks, and having to ride it out without painkillers, well, it's been a challenge.
Your post has given me strength today, and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart! ((((hugs))))
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
That is no doubt a load to agree to carry. Thank God for the gratitude for small blessings while you struggle to progress. The walking on egg shells part caught me and brought up memories of "how It use to be for me also." What happened "the courage to change the things that I can" which was the courage to engage in open, honest and loving conversation rather than barfing my anger, rage, anxiety and resentments all over the place and people. and what it is like now, the egg shells are gone and I am free to go about my life without worrying about the "crunching sound under my feet". Learning how to and practicing that open, honest, communication (deep listening and level responding and stating my needs without sounding needy or afraid) was beyond graduate degree recovery and since I'll never graduate other necessary lessons are on the way. Live in your HP's palms. You are being taken care of.
((())) Your post tells me a lot about you at the moment. You are so busy holding everyone else up with their problems that you are not considering your own health. Do enjoy your time with your grandchild but put a sign on your fridge that says I AM JUST AS IMPORTANT AS EVERYONE ELSE. There will always be people who overstep the mark and take advantage of your kindness. My question WHO IS TAKING CARE OF YOU? Sending strength and luv your way. Leo xx
