Hi (((All))) 

Have just accessed recent posts as I have been away from you all for a couple of days, whilst my partners been home for the first time in over three months. This quote from Jerry F, really hit home, it sums up how way off the mark I've been.

"that to place this need
for validation on the shoulders of one person not myself who was suffering
from a life threatening disease, was a poor expectation ready to ripen into 
a blossoming resentment. "


My Abf has been home for three days, he has now gone back to rehab. I was very anxious and confused before his return home.
I'm happy to say that the days went well. Not as I'd imagined them, In my mind I'd gone over what I'd say/do/demand and the ultimatums I'd give. What happend was we talked, I listened, I detached when needed, I understood, I saw how he had grown, I saw the struggle he's having with his steps. I saw him go to meetings. I realised for the first time how sick he is. I realised I was expecting way too much from someone so ill. 
I've shifted my pespective and it's all thanks to the tools I've learnt from Alanon. My focus was on me, on protecting myself, and from not trying to enforce my will.
Previously I had kept on wanting answers, I wanted a conclusion, I wanted things my way. Now I have given all that up to my HP and I've let go of my Abf who is in the hands of his HP and thats where he needs to be.
It didnt come easy to me ,and there where times over the past three days when I  came close to old behaviours, and when I thought I was not setting or keeping my boundaries.
On reflection I think I handled the situation about right. It feels good.
I took care of myself, and I done my bf no further harm by putting unrealistic demands on a recovering addict.
I'm grateful for the programme, I'm indebted to you all for your ES&H.
I'm living and learning, One day at a time, Progress not perfection

With love, hugs and gratitude Carol