The material presented
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Hello all, Abf is finally in an impatient program. He flew to Florida on Friday and is in good hands for the next six weeks...or five, if he has anything to say about it. We made arrangements for him while he was in a local detox facility, and the morning he was leaving, he found out it was a six week program, not a 30 day program, which means he will be gone for Thanksgiving. No need to fear tho, his MOTHER told him to "just sign yourself out a week early", now THERES support dont you think?? I am currently battling both bronchitis and pneumonia and feeling like something stuck to the bottom of ones shoe. Why does everything have to happen at once? I cant work, so all I do is watch the clock, waiting and wondering what is going on with abf. Wondering what will happen when he gets out. What I will want, what he will want, if they will both be the same. Wondering if he will follow thru with this now and forever. I know I shouldnt be spending my time worrying and wondering as nothing has happened yet and he only just got there, but I am. Maybe its just cuz I feel so lousy and there is no one here to make me feel better, rub my back, bring me soup etc. Maybe its really cuz Im scared of what the future holds. There is a part of me, the hopeful one, that believes he will succeed, but then there is the rational part of me that believes that we are truly over. Will he come back and view me as someone from his past, someone he associates with his drinking days and not want anything to do with me? Will he come back and I will view him as still being untrustworthy and unpredictable and be unable to be with him? Oh all the questions, the doubts the worries,...I thought his getting help would make those things go away but they dont. I have been in survival mode for a while now and have been too busy surviving to feel anything, and now I am feeling EVERYTHING and I dont know how to stop obsessing over these feelings..... seeking peace, jeannie
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
I can so so relate to depending on him for mirroring. This week some guy I met gave me a compliment. Before self care that would have set me off in a flurry of craving more. Now I accept the compliment but I depend on "me" to nuture me. I was aware of how I behaved in the past but had no need to go there again.
How about practising, just practising taking care of you. Today is a whole day which you can do that. Take care of yourself, rest (is that posssible when one is obsessing? ), relax, watch things on TV you like (make choices about you rather than him). Eat things you like, rather than thing about what you would like to make for him.
Practice just practice focusing on you for an hour at a time. What is nice to smell when you are not feeling well. What is nice to eat, what is nice to listen to, what is nice to read?
There will be a future, with or without him you will have one.
I hope you will choose to stay here. You can also spend your time in the archives here, they are a gold mine of information about recovery. You will discover many many people who have been where you are now and who got better.
Read recovery books, get lots of them from the library if need be. If possible get the getting them sober series they are really worth exploring.
Yes all of those maybes might or will happen and more stuff good and bad. The good maybes will come about when you start learning and working the program. Your sick at the moment, thank God cause you can more around and are not confined to the bottom of a box. Move around and go get some program literature. Pamphlets and daily readers and the like. Find the Al-Anon hotline number for your district and call for help. See if you can get a voice belonging to a real live member and ask for conversation and help. Nothing will work if it is all left up to him. If he changes and you don't you'll still have part of the problem; yours.
I hope you get well. Trying to live one day at a time while ill makes it better and you're still ill.
Must be all the meds I am on right now! I AM focusing on ME, and have been and will continue to for a long, long time...like, forever. I think I was just feeling pitiful cuz I am feeling, well...pitiful. I have had pneumonia, bronchitis and sinusitis with vertigo for over a week now and havent improved much. It really stinks! I am not in my best form and this happened with him right at the beginning of me getting sick. Yeah, I know, you cant pick and choose when the events of your life take place, but I just wish I were feeling better. I know nothing is perfect in life, even without an addict in it, and that there are no guarantees, no crystal ball where we can see what the future holds. I know everyones situation is different, I guess I was wondering if anyone else had had these feelings and what they did about them and how things worked out for them afterwards.... seeking peace, jeannie
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
