The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been in a relationship with an intellegent, successful ABF for over 6 years. He transferred to my town and we met and have been together since that time. He has a very financially high end job as did I the entire time we have been together. I knew in my heart he was an A with all the chaos in my life and the fact that I would many times avaid having hinm go to functions with me because I didn't know if he would be extremely drunk or not. I spent many nights worrying about him becasue he is also a diabetic.
He was asked to transfer to another state and wanted me to go. I helped him pick out the house, visited weekends and decided to go. He made many promises, but I guess I knew deep down in my heart, he was drinking when he made them. He wanted to get married, said he would help me as I would have to find a new job.
The same week I moved, he went into a short one week rehab and also started AA, which is wonderful! He did this because of something that happended at work, and that is his life.
I tried to keep my distance and visit my daughter to give him time alone as he had never lived with anyone either so I knew he was like a cat on a hot tinned roof.
He has now decided he needs to be alone, told me at night, got up and left for hunting the same day. Decided I could not live there, he needed some time. I solod most of my belongings to move, have no job and am now out of money. I really am at a loss for what to do. I am very bitter because of all the lies and promise to get me here to do this. I have gone to Al-non, every day since last Friday. Guess I just needed to vent as I don't know where to start and how to get out of the house.
I am afraid his nervousness and and anxiety might mean he want to drink, but as they say that is not my business.
I do love him and guess not knowing why always will.
Loss, whether it is for a good reason or not, still hurts really bad. Many of us here can relate to those feelings of anger and hurt.
I just wanted to welcome you to this board. It's an amazing gift to those that choose to use it.
If you've been attending meetings, you know already that "if we keep an open mind, we find solutions that lead to serenity." I also love the slogan and there's a book to about "when I got busy, I got better." That helps too.
Welcome aboard and keep coming, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
You sound a lot like I was. I was so tremendously over committed to the relationships, run into any red flags, over commit some more. I put so much into making it work regardless of the red flags in front of me. I had no idea how to pull back, detach, take care of me.
You are absolutely in the right place. This program can help and will.
I hope you will give yourself some time to get the skills and focus needed to make it work.
I've been there and back with a guy who asks for commitment then reneges in the same sentence!
When we put our lives in the A's hands we usually learn it was a big mistake.
Believe me this happens to most people involved with an A who is using. They will suck you dry.
Been there.
I see you are a very motivated person. I have no doubt you will get back on your path again.
My experience was, one day at a time, doing all I could do, and then resting.
As time passed very quickly, things got better. It will for you also. You will find resources you did not know existed, and hopefully friends and family who can give ya a boost.
I am sad for your loss!!! It hurts. So glad you are here, keep coming back. There is a chat room here, and meetings there.
