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So tomorrow I'm going to the other side of the island to spend the weekend with my family. Now, for most people in Hawai'i this isn't unusual and by "family" we usually mean uncles, aunties, cousins, siblings, parents, etc etc etc. But this weekend it's just the immediate family: my mom, her offspring and partners, their offspring and partners, and so on, and so on. I think all together it's something like 38 of us in just the immediate family. That is a lot of personalities in a confined space for a three days and nights. Yikes.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I don't necessarily like them all but I do love them. I get to see my alcoholic/addict brother that I haven't seen in ages. He and I have always been oddly close. I miss two of my sisters who are my best friends and confidants. I don't get to see them very often because we live on opposite sides of the island. So what's the problem, you ask? This weekend will be a true test of my use of the tools I've learned so far in Alanon. Like I said, there are a lot of personalities and I don't get along with a few of them. I normally say that I 'tolerate them for the sake of my family', as if I'm someone that should be pleased by them or something .. well .. I'm hoping that I can show a little humility and a lot of patience this weekend. Actually, I'm just hoping I can keep my mouth shut when my older sisters speaks. It's just hard when you don't respect or like someone so closely related to you. I will work real hard on detachment .. that and keeping my mouth shut.
But to make matters worse, I won't be able to get to a meeting over the weekend or before I go ... better make sure I have my books with me and a Forum or two :D
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"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." -Aristotle
hi hope u have a good weekend with family , drunks and all . Acceptance works , all u gotta do is treat them with respect , I was told that even a drunk deserves respect , ya know the allow them the dignity to live thier lives the way they choose. took me awhile to be able to actually practice that one . read all u can on Live and Let Live that one got me thru alot of uncomfortable situations early in recovery. enjoy Louise
My relatives are Native Americans read big family. I have to really prepare myself before any family gatherings; we have big mouths and not good boundaries. Alanon has certainly helped me. I think that eventually they catch on that you are different (especially after attending meetings and reading the literature). Have a good time.
You don't get a picture with me in a hula skirt but you do get all the support you want. Similar situation happening with me as two brothers from the mainland fly in to "spend time" with family. Try remembering this one, "principles before personalities". I try to stay with the principles and that helps some. Last visit from my elder brother I almost yanked the keys from the ignition as he was driving in a way that put my wife and his elder daughter and husband and myself in danger as he drove "mainland style" on the Honokaa coast Highway. I made a conditioned apology for my "style" of speech (there that is again) and he reciprocated. Another I am going into the weekend with is "Acceptance is the solution to all of my problems." Unconditional Acceptance without a holier than thou defensive attitude. We shall compare notes...or shall we dare? We got thru the part where they take residence with us and they will be staying with my ex - ex wife. ...I'm going for ex-spurt...LOL last time we saw her I expressed a firm gratitude that I was no longer married to that addict.
So I will beat the brothers to the first hug and just keep and open mind and ears knowing that it's only one day at a time and God's in charge. I'll repeat that...for myself of course. "It's only one day at a a time and God's in charge." I've resigned.
Weather should be good over the weekend and I hope you and the family have a great time!!
In these type of situations I find it helpful to reduce my thoughts to the most basic level. I hold on to knowing that (A) annoying people are created by the same loving energy that unites us allas one. That (B) I can learn something about myself if I question why I'm annoyed, hurt, angry..whatever. Am I practicing living in the Now, or am I dragging old baggage with me to the present? Most of all I keep in mind that (C) everyone is on their own journey and it's not my place to play HP or judge where they are on the path.
Everyone has good in them, it's much more pleasant to focus on the goodness then to let the annoyances build. We tend to hold on to every bad thing we think someone has done or said to us, but so easily dismiss or ignore any good. It keeps us in victim mode where we seem to be comfortable. The easiest reminder for me to bring me back to the NOW in a tough situation is one small sentence with 3 words.."I choose peace".
Have a wonderful weekend, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
(((((EVERYONE))))) You guys so seriously rock. Thank you so much for all your suggestions and well-wishing. I am definitely going to keep all these things in mind and in practice over the weekend and I'll let y'all know how it went.
You know, of all the things that I'm most frightened of this weekend - it's not the behaviors from drinking, or the behaviors from snobby family members who think they're better than anyone else (me included) - no .. it's not anything like that. I'm most scared of the fact that my mom makes us all do the Electric Slide whenever we're all together *shiver* .. she's been watching too many Tyler Perry movies. :D
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"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." -Aristotle
LOLOLOLOL!!!! You just gave me a great idea.....The NEW Seren family tradition, done at all family gatherings.....Electric Slide time girls!!!! My 13 year old is gonna LOVE this!!!!
Well, the weekend is over and no one got hurt .. well, except maybe some of the golfers that were passing by our set of condos the moment my mother had us all go on the grass and do the Electric Slide. No, not kidding .. the entire song, all 28 of us. It was .. scary .. but thankfully we stopped before she could suggest the Macarena :D that would have seriously been a deal breaker LOL
The good news is that I managed to detach - with a LOT of hard work and a LOT of support from my partner. I don't have a sponsor yet so I often call him when I need just a little bit of strength. I'm just so thankful that he works his AA program so that we better understand each other. Anyway, I won't lie and say nothing bothered me .. oooohhhh nooooo .. quite the contrary, a LOT about this weekend bothered me BUT I managed to focus on the togetherness, my children being with me (I miss having them all around me all the time), seeing nephews and nieces I rarely get to see, and cooking and gossiping with my sisters. Good times.
Today, however, is a new challenge. I get the results from the amniocentesis I did two weeks ago. I am a little nervous as is my partner, but we're both hopeful .. and we're both grateful that no matter what, neither of us has to go through anything alone.
Thanks for the love, Family!
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"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." -Aristotle
