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Well I dont really know if this on topic or not but not to mention I have my husbands drinking to deal with, ( he has been dry now for 3 weeks ) and all that drama, now my 18 year old daughter has moved back home.. A brief history on her, she is an addict and well HUGE drama queen, literally. She has been in and out of rehabs and juvenile detention centers, hasnt graduated high school, has no job, and no motivation to work. She has gotten involved with a boyfriend who beats her and she is prostituting herself out on Craigs List for money. She has been , well I cant say sober, since she is still smoking weed, but not doing the hard drugs she was doing , and well I have kicked her out serveal times, in fact one time she was on the streets for awhile. Then she cleaned up her act came home and started it all over again. I had her arrested in Jan for possession of cocaine and she did 8 months in juvie camp, I thought that would have helped her, oh no she gets out and she is 18 by then and doesnt get a job, doesnt go back to school, gets right back in with this abusive boyfriend of hers, who allows her to prostitute out. I found out one day by looking on Craigs list and seeing her there that she was back at prostituting, I kicked her out, she was living with her boyfriend and his family. Then things really hit the fan, he was hitting her, choking her and stuff like that she called me hysterical on Monday, saying he was trying to kill her, I rushed over there, he is gone but he took all her stuff. I talked him into coming back and giving her herstuff, he does but gets all crazy and mean, so I called the police and my daughter , NOT ME, has him arrested for domestic violence. She then starts the whole battered wife syndrom ( that is what I call it ) feeling guilty, hurt and lost with out him. She comes home to live with me, and well I start talking to her about her life and how she needs to get her act together. I give her the option of joining the job corp, which everyone thinks would be great for her. She has nothing else going for her and well she kind of blows it off. We do have an appt next tues to check it out but I am not holding my breath. That night her bf was arrested she is on the phone with him. It is now Wendsday and she still hasnt looked for work, you know why. HMMM I go on craigs list and there she is again, and I am sick and disgusted with it.. Dont know what to do. I dont want to kick her out, afraid she will run right back to the abusive bf, ( even though she prob will anyways ) or just be on the streets. I dont want to enable her though by living here. I am going to after next Tuesday give her the option to either join Job Corp and live there and try and get her life together and be a resp adult. or she has one month to get a job a real job and start paying me rent. I am so hurt and shocked. Its like nothing to her to sell her body. I dont get it, I didnt raise her like this. and the whole boyfriend thing OMG i cannot believe she is sooo worried bout him but I know how the whole thing is though. I have been so stressed out, its like even though there is so much drama with my husband ( luckily none latley) when she gone it wasnt as stressful. I know that is sad to say but well it is the truth. I can only pray she does want to go into job corps and stays in there. it will take 2-3 months to get her in, lord knows what can happen in the mean time. ugh i am stressed. before she came home i was on a great exercise program, on Weight Watchers losing weight , i lost 57 pds in a year and well now, i am binge eating and I have stopped working out. I just keep asking myself why oh why cant she just be a normal teenager, well now adult and go to college and do right. Why is she doing what she is doing?
I don't know what you can do other than what you are doing already.
You sound like you are beginning to detach, you are thinking about what boundries you are willing to make. And you are letting her know you love her and you are standing by her as best you can at the moment.
I think you can use the steps in this situation. You are powerless over her choices. I know this has to be so very hard as she is your daughter but she is making her own choices, very bad choices. You have helped her and gotten her help so honestly, she knows what she has to do to get help and get healthy.
I will say a prayer for y'all and please try to take care of you. I know it seems impossible with all that stress, but just do one thing to focus on you for just 5-10 minutes. I just THINK about getting a pedicure (can't afford it right now). Just thinking about it re-focuses my mind onto me and other ways I can take care of myself.
Well I found out she is going to go back to the boyfriend whenever he gets out... This is so heartbreaking to me. I know one day I am gonna get a call saying she is dead and to come identify her body, either from that jerk killing her or one of these guys she meets for her escort service. I dont even like writing that. Ugh... This is just heartbreaking to me. I am now at the point where I am trying to keep all this from my family, I dont know why but I am embarrassed. I guess I can only do what I am gonna do. I know I shouldnt let her disprupte my life, I should do what I always do on my daily schedule but it is hard., knowing she is using drugs, prostituting, and well wanting to be with this loser who obviously cares nothing for her. Oh and the worst thing I found out, she may be pregnant AGAIN with his baby. She already aborted one in April and now she may be pregnant. I just dont know what else to say at this point. It seems there is always some sort of drama going on in my life. I wonder if I will ever have a normal life like I see others having... I dream for that day. Thank god my husband is in one of his dry spells right now, dont think I could take it if I had to go through that to right now. So at least that is going for me, but who knows how long that will last. Oh ya on another note, my daugther found my wedding ring... I posted earlier that my husband lost it, well he threw it in the yard and she found it... I cannot believe he did that with a 6500.00 ring. Thank god she found it...
Trouble is she is 18 now. Legally you are out of options.
She is doing this because she is sick. We have zero control over that sadly.
I did not see, maybe missed it, she has never gone to rehab or learned about 12 step programs?
It sounds like she may still be maluable to get her some help.
I invite you to pm with me if you like for ideas. I worked with kids at risk for 18 years, plus raised many that my boy brought home. I have several,"sons." (o: brats. lol
They are grown now and honestly could not be more proud of them.
so have you ever heard of "survivor school,?" I can lead you to a wonderful safe one that helped my son to change his life to a healthy path. He is 32 now and I tell ya hon, he is am amazing.
It can happen. He is not the only one I have seen climb out of the pit to have a family and kids.
Anyway people who use, have a whole different side to them from the baby you raised. So many influences come at them. Nowdays the way wrong things seem to be ok, it is even harder to draw the line.
First thing to do is not allow her disease to ruin you. You need to be strong for your hp first, then for you, then your loved ones, to be any help to her.
Your exercising helped you up from the pain no question. If you can I invite you to get back to it. The thing is to get your body out the door. Take one step at a time, go in to your exercise place and start slow. Even if you only do a little, you got your body there!! Get rid of that food that causes you to binge.
Think about how you are self medicating like an addict. It only gives you temp. help.But adds on to the primary problem.
I have learned if I don't have "bad" food in the house I won't go get it and in a short time cannot even look at it anymore, its gross.
I keep these chewy fruity things like Gushers but much cheaper I get them at Walmart. A good chewy food, air popcorn and add some powder type butter stuff.
You can also add a little powder cheese to it to taste> I like it plain myself.
There are lots of tricks to train your mind and body to think take care of me with out being unhealthy.
when you get your body healthy, your mind and heart will follow.
Alanon is a strong group of people searching for help to understand addiction, and how to help loved ones. MIP is a great way to stay involved daily, there are even meetings here.
Going to meetings where you are are important too. As you get involved in a physical way you cannot here. A sponsor is really important. Possibly making friends with others who share the experience helps too.
It is my thought addicts are drawn to sick people becuz they don't judge them and they think these sick people care in a way we cannot. Their illness makes them into the opposite person they used to know.
they still want to be with us badly, they try again and again. Until they can "see" the disease and are ready to get well, the pattern continues and you will have her in your house when she is 50.
If we don't stop the enabling and allowing the sickness to pull us down too, we are just as sick or sicker than they are. It will ruin our life too.
coming here shows you want to get better. Believe me I know it is horribly hard!! We are nurturers, parents who believe it is our responsibility to help them. Sadly we can do nothing but keep ourselves well, keep ourselves into life and finding happiness with out them. Always hopefull that someday they will get well.
As with any loved addict, we accept them as is and love them, detach from the horribleness of it. Or we choose to never be involved. Or be involved when they are clean, or not be involved ever becuz relapse is always part of their path.
We have to get off the roller coaster and develop a healthy life.
forgive me this is long. It is a situation that touches me greatly. We all already care about you and your A. Keep coming back. We learn from you too, need you too.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be heartbreaking for you to watch this. Here's a thought, instead of taking her to Job Corps, how about calling the Domestic Violence Hotline or a Women's Shelter? Ask to speak to someone. Having taught classes on domestic violence while in college I know the stats pretty well. Perhaps somebody there would be willing to talk to her. Maybe they can reach her. On top of being an addict, she's being abused (physically and emotionally) so I'm guessing her self esteem is in the toilet. She doesn't know how to get out the relationship. Like going to AA or Alanon she probably needs someone who has walked in her shoes. Leaving a violent relationship can be harder than recovering from a chemical addiction. Something in her brain is saying: "I am worthy of this relationship or I need him, etc." Yes it sounds crazy but that's what happens. You can't help her with her addiction, but you may be able to help her with this part. Remember her relationship is not one of love, but of power. That's why she stays with him.
There's no need to be embarrassed by what is happening. We all have family issues. That's why we come here. Stick to your program. It will help you through this. Congrats on your weight loss. That's so awesome! You'll get back to it. I am a creature of habit too. When I lost my hubby, the daily routine went to heck. I am still not there yet, but taking baby steps. We have to be gentle with ourselves. We've been through enough as it is, beating ourselves up only makes it harder for us to get back on track. We have to love ourselves first. It's why I keep coming back here, eventhough I no longer have addiction in my life. I still need recovery. I still need my MIP family. I couldn't do this without all of you. Much love and blessings to you and your family. I will say extra prayers for all of you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
First congratulations on all that weight loss. I've lost about 10 lbs recently (need to lose 50) so I think that is an incredible achievement.
If the courts are involved there is no question that they will mandate something for him and monitor things. I don't doubt your daughter knows the number of domestic violence groups, I bet she has even been there.
Love addiction which is a big part of the domestic violence issue is a hard one to deal with. There are groups though and there are resources.
Why beat yourself up. Sounds like you did a lot and really put in those boundaries.
I could be pulled into drama in a minute. Last summer I got emergency phone calls from the A every single day. Then I got emergency phone calls from the people he was enmeshed with. I found it a way of life. Then I really put in the limits then I went back on them. We do not get to the point of complete detachment in a day.
I can still be pulled into drama. I have to watch for it like a hawk.
Sounds to me like you have done some great great work on yourself. Detaching is hard hard hard graft.
You'll get back to it. I am a creature of habit too. When I lost my hubby, the daily routine went to heck. I am still not there yet, but taking baby steps. We have to be gentle with ourselves. We've been through enough as it is, beating ourselves up only makes it harder for us to get back on track. We have to love ourselves first. 
It's why I keep coming back here, eventhough I no longer have addiction in my life. I still need recovery. I still need my MIP family. I couldn't do this without all of you. Much love and blessings to you and your family. I will say extra prayers for all of you.