The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hey Everyone, I finally left my A, after seeing him go from bad to worst. And I'm having a hard time dealing with the whole situation, so I hope you don't mind if I vent.... I am hurt most because we have a 10 month old baby girl. Most of the time I cry, it's because of her. I feel bad for bringing her into the world with an A father (even though I wouldn't trade her for the world, she is my world)
There was a time this summer when he quit drinking for a week ( I know it doesn't seem very long) but it was the only time in our 5 year relationship that he finally found a moment of clarity. He started taking depression pills that week, which I thought were helping, but now I think they make him worst! I just wish I could make him remember that week- how happy he was and how he finally realized his problem, and that he could have that everyday!
His family and friends see his problem, but I am the ONLY one willing to say anything to him. Even his father, who is an A himself, said he sees his son's problem. WHY WON'T ANYONE ELSE SAY SOMETHING TO HIM??? I don't get it, and it makes me so angry!! I know we can't control it or cure it, but I feel like I need to try, if not for his sake, for our daughter's sake.
Thanks for listening to me- I really really needed to get it out!!
There is a book offer at the top of this page called Getting them Sober, Canadian guy has been kind enough to offer this book for free.
I do think other people actually do say things to A's we just don't hear about it. There is a saying about alcoholism (which also applies to drug addition) that it is cunning bafflng and powerful. Eventualy it corrodes everything.
I do think we also tend to get ourselves in a space where we are absolutely exhausted, frustrated and very very angry. Of course anyone would be. The issue is that we can de-tach and start taking care of ourselves rather than not be able to take care of ourselves.
I know when I came here a few years ago I did not imagine I would find my way forward. I have it has been tremendously difficult but I do move forward.
There is also a huge wealth of literature (CAL...conference approved) on this disease and how to recover from it's affects at face to face Al-Anon Family Group meetings. Alot of it is free and others are at cost. You are not alone. The friends, family and associates of alcoholics and addicts are legion and in every country on the planet. Most of our literature is in major foreign languages. You are not alone. The millions who have not reached the rooms of Al-Anon have the opportunity still and the millions who have and work this miraculous program have lives they could never have imagined before they got here and into the program. Some have alcoholics who still drink, some do not. Some have alcoholics who do not and are working the AA program and intact families and marriages. Many of us have broken marriages and families yet still have lives we wouldn't trade for all the whatever... I can only speak for myself. I was born and raised in this disease by people who were highly affected by it. I went on to have 37 years of insanity before being guided by others into this program and getting my life, sprit, mind and emotions restored to better than before.
Hello New Friend, I am glad you found these wonderful folks here. I just did a few weeks ago. I couldn't do it anymore either. I waited 10 years and two children before I got the courage from my Higher Power and this great "Miricals In Progress" Al-Anon Family. You are going to feel some type of piece which I can't explain by listing, sharing and taking what you want. from these meetings here. I have not made it to a f2f meeting yet, but I will!!
My AH has been gone for 4 weeks and I feel your pain and tears when it comes to your baby. I just wished I could have had the guts not to lie to myself for 10 years. Because of my denial my outcome is horrible. Our little angels are hurt and they hate me for asking Dad to leave. I know we will get throught this because at first it was every hour, then every day and now a whole month it is getting a little easier. I have to tell you I had more mixed emotions those first two weeks than I have had my 42 years of living. I can't make it without him, he's my bestfriend, I don't think I have the right to judge him, He's never hit me, Is it really that bad, Time heals always!, The kids miss him, I miss him, 16 years are you really going to let him go, well he lied again, there are 5 six packs of twisted lemonae hidden under a tarp in the back of his truck, come home from a night shift and he's passed out again, the kids now are calling me up at work because they can't wake dad up, are you really going to loose your job over this problem, now my 10 year old is lying for him so he wont have to leave. And that is what open my door. My little angel was just my mirror and I had not one else to blame.
I have not read the book Getting Them Sober yet and I hope to read it soon. I had just requested it a couple of days ago from Canadian Guy. Please keep on venting it does help. I just lied to the world and let everyone think we were a happy, fun and loving family. One truth at a time for me. Keep coming back and welcome ((you are not alone)) Kelly
Hi! I competely understand what you are saying. I too am the only one who seems to have a problem with my husbands drinking. He has admitted he is an alcholic and often goes to meetings. From what he is leading me to believe, he is not drinking now, but I suspect he is. As early as last Friday, someone in his family pretty much slapped me in the face with HIS problem. Well, I let it be my problem by even having a conversation with her about my As drinking. So anyway, I learned a valuable lesson!!!!!!!!! Forget the rest of them. Put my HP first, me second and just try to enjoy 1 minute at a time right now.
I so desperately want a child, i don't have any. Many people have told me I would be selfish to bring a child into this world with an A. That is still a sore subject for me. I could not imagine what you are going through with a baby. My prayers are with you.
Oh yes, I was the only one who took action with my chronic alcoholic brother, no one else notices really, 'well he doesn't miss work' etc, it is important to see the elephant in the room, keep posting,
