The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted earlier today and I'm back after a long day of fighting the urge to contact the ex ABF. I have my f2f meeting tomorrow night, thank God, and I am hopeful that it will get me beyond this stage of wanting to contact him. I am feeling angry and also nostalgic about the relationship. I am also feeling afraid for my future, which is ridiculous since I at least now have the chance of a healthier future than I did just a few months ago (with him). The truth is, he was supposed to be my future. So I am feeling sad about the fact that he just might not be a part of my life down the road. I am 34 years old and I want a marriage and family. And even though he was becoming a nightmare to live with and he has to get healthy, I still want that life with him.
So I sit here and watch the clock bc once it's after 10PM, I know I won't try to call him. I just hope that I wake up feeling a bit refreshed tomorrow and not as desperate to contact him.
what your feeling is completley normal considering the circumstances , we call it grieving , the l oss of a relationship that was important to you , we grieve what could have been , should have been , but isn't . it will pass continue with your meetings and recover get happy regardless of what he is doing . it is a win win situation for you really with or with out him your going to be okay . Just keep commin back . and don't forget there is always HOPE.
I relate hopeful. I don't know the situation well, but for me, I went and saw him and got a wake up call about how bad he was.
Was good for me.
For me I think about the reasons I ended it. The never smiling or laughing, crabby,negative, lieing, stealing, stinky, unhealthy and more.
Boring as heck.
I go back and read what I wrote back then. Then it all comes back. Hon I too only wanted him. All I know is I don't feel that way anymore so it is possible to find serenity and have hope for a different future and being able to love the one day at a time I am blessed with.
Glad you are here. It helps others to understand just how normal it is to grieve and want the good back. In time we tend to remember the good and not the bad.
I know how you feel but it never works out. Especially when we seem a little desperate. Yes this is a time for grieving. The only way a relationshiphas a chance is if one of you gets into recovery.
Good for you. Holding off is hard work. I am now months into holdng off and I know I thought I would never make it in the beginning. Now I wonder why I would ever call him in the first place. The only reason for me was to obsess, express emotion and more. I expressed the emotion here.
Hold on....keep coming back here....turn that urge to call him into an urge to do something healthy for YOU tinstead. That is what worked for me in the early months.
A friend helped me too when I would keep contact with him even tho I knew I wanted better... she said "Don't keep sending him mixed messages".....So I kept my mixed feelings to myself and sorted them out here and with friends.....once I allowed a complete split - which took a little time - it was much clearer for me. I am sorry for your sadness and pain. I know how hard it can be to let go. LOve, Fifi
