The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am being challanged. I'm recently saparted from my AH and we have two lttle angels who are lost with out Daddy being here. I am trying not to let our children know how scared I am of the unknown. I think the money thing per week has become a problem for both of us. Me and the girls have gone without for so long because of Dad's habits that I don't have a plan what to do next. I'm feeling lonley and lost without his him beside me. But in my head I know I have been alone for years now. I want to find some piece and happinest for me. I'm challange by my heart to go back to a comfort zone that is really not a comfortable at all. It is a sad, emotional pain that keeps me going round and round trying to figure out how I can make everthing better and normal in my pretend little happy family. My soul is lost with my AH, I'm scared to make a new male friend in fear it may be just another A that will take me 16 years to figure out. I'm trying to take one step at a time but trying to plan ahead and being pulled to go back to a hell it took me so long to even open the door to say no more.
I think one of the tools that really helped to keep me calm in the beginning was to try to simply stay in the present moment as much as possible. Here is an example. I have an absolutely horrible divorce going on right now. My attorney sucks, I am up to my ears in back tax issues because of my soon to be x AH, etc. etc. anyway it just goes on and on and on...but you know what? RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW I am sitting in a lovely kitchen at a very cool big table with chairs all around. I am renting a room in this great little house from a fabulous young woman who is not only a great land lord but a great friend, too. I am eating some wonderful home made chicken soup that she and her boyfriend made earlier in the week. Its so delicious and hot and made with love. The sun is shining. Its a gorgous day, the windows are open, I can hear a dog barking off in the distance, a train whistle and the sound of children playing---you get the idea- right here and right now everything is completely totally perfect in every single way. I feel wonderful. I thank God/HP for such a wonderful moment. If I can just stay here- right here- and not fuss or worry or try to control the future or ruminate too much about the past, I am really JUST FINE.
You have two lovely daughters. Let them lead you- they know how to be in the present moment and have fun and play and make the best of what they have right here, right now. Good luck and hugs, J.
Here's a big ole hug for you, sweetie. I know the pain of loneliness, whether in a relationship or out of one. I've been feeling a little sad myself too this week. I was just cleaning my place and put on a CD (Little Big Town) and I've been shedding the tears as I clean. That helps too. Feel the feelings and then try to let them go like balloon up into the atmosphere.
Jean's post really helped me out too. I need to appreciate all the little moments and I have a lot of them too. I, like you, adore my children. They bring me so much love and pride. Mine are young adults. My 20 year old invited me to go apple picking today with he and his girlfriend. Despite my sadness, I AM GOING I never want to miss an opportunity to be with my children. Cherish those beautiful little girls who also love their mommy. I've heard it said that children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.
Have a wonderful day Kelly, you are not alone hon. Maria
-- Edited by Maria123 at 14:19, 2008-10-11
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Hang in there Kelly , one day at a time u can do anything . there is help for single moms please search it out pride will not feed u or your children it's ok to accept help til u get on your feet . I understand missing your husb , tho like u said u were alone in the marriage this is diff . as for the kids tell them the truth not the nitty gritty stuff just that u cannot live with daddy as long as he is drinking . keep it simple hon kids just want the truth. U don't say if your working or not , or the ages of you children social services often helps retrain and educate single m oms look into all your options . Your going to be okay Kelly . you can do this . thinking of you Louise
Kelly I believe the greatest help for me was learning how to do one day at a time.
What it means to me is making a list for the day. When it is all finished, and I have done all I can do that day. I let it all go.
If we hold it inside and worry and fret then cannot sleep, it makes life so so hard.
For instance I know I need/want to have a job. so in one day I do as much of my resume as I can. then let it go. I don't think about money how will I work, how will I make it in a week. that day I have food, I have a roof over our heads. Look at what ya do have each day.;
To look at it all is too overwhelming for anyone.
Meetings here and face to face help many people.We relate and support each other.
It will all be fine if you choose to take each day, do your best, then play.
I never want to miss an opportunity to be with my children. Cherish those beautiful little girls who also love their mommy. I've heard it said that children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.