The Wrong Approach - Al-Anon Family Group

NJBoy · Newbie

The Wrong Approach

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

I hear your struggle. My Ahsober's father was impossible. What I saw happening was that he keep the family in chaos. When they unified in what they said and did, things got better for them. However, he fought them all the way. Are you going to meetings? Have you read the Big Book? This is a cunning, baffling, disease. And some seem incapable of following the program of recovery. Take care of yourself.

In support,
Nancy

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha NJBoy!!

Let me suggest what was suggested to me and what worked for me. Find the
hotline number for the Al-Anon Family Groups in your local phone book and get
yourself to their face to face meetings as very soon as you can and if there is
a "we" suggest that the others go with you. There are chairs just waiting for
you.  Sit down, listen, learn and get as much literature as you can on the
disease of alcoholism and you and the family and whomever and read it all.
There is bunches of it. Next roll this idea around in your head are you denying
your Mother her freedom or are you denying the alcoholic in your life the
opportunity to behave as if she is normal?   She is not normal in any sense of
the word. When your mother is not drinking and has some semblence of
sobriety (just not drinking) then you might witness normal. Since she is active
in a progressive disease she is far from normal and way beyond being
responsible for privileges that non-drinkers are.   It is not fair that you have to
baby sit a drunk...there are other alternatives.

Get to the phone book and find that number. Next step get to the very first
meeting you can get to. If the NJ in NJBOY is New Jersey; you will be amazed
at how many meetings are available to you every day of the week.

Keep coming back here and good luck.   Remember....is she now my alcoholic
or my mother?

(((((hugs))))) smile

NJBoy · Newbie

Thanks so much for your advice guys. It means so much to me.

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

Find local al-anon meetings and get to a mtg, pick up the pamphlets and study them. My 2 favorite ones are: The Merry Go Round Called Denial and A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic. You can also buy pamphlets and find mtgs at this site: www.al-anon.alateen.org The pamphlets I mentioned will explain how the alcoholic will manipulate our feelings and actions and how our roles play a part in the relationship and disease, for good or bad.

I grew up in a chaotic dysfunctional family (ACoA- adult child of addict/alcoholic) and we definitely have some unique deep issues but there is hope for a healthy balanced life. It will all start with you and learning how to support and detach from the A with love. It may sound like a contradiction in terms but it can be done, I am living proof.

We also have a chat room where you can speak to people that know exactly what you are going through 24/7 and will be able to relate with you. We also host 2 daily mtgs in there.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.