The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today, I will take a deep breath as I walk away from my AH for the last time. And I won't look back. I moved out in July, was the hardest thing I've ever done. But once I "let go and let God" you wouldn't believe the blessings that have been heaped on me. Once I quit fighting and struggling with life, it just started happening for me. I never thought I would welcome this day. Now I do. AH and I had very little contact after I left, just a few times. Went to a friends funeral together almost 2 months ago, it was OK. A few instant message arguments. That was it. He doesn't even want to see our little grandbaby anymore, I guess. She is his step grandchild, and I was taking her to meet him at the park, but he hasn't asked in many many weeks. She doesn't need him anyway.
I am seeing a wonderful man, who I met just before Labor Day. He has been divorced a year, is NOT an a of any kind. We enjoy so many things together. He is so kind and loving. So together. So grounded. Takes care of himself, works out, has a job, very nice new car, his own big screen TV! LOL. Always dated guys with junky stuff, we always had to use my nice stuff. This man has his own nice stuff! He likes me for me. He is amazingly kind and sweet. Kind to animals, to his parents, other people. He loves my cat, has a cat of his own, too. Kind to my daughter. She likes him!
Yes, today I will be free. Thank God, it has been years in coming. Never thought I'd be able to do this with my head held up high. But I will. I went back and read some of my earlier writings....jeesh, how much pain and sorrow can one person survive. A lot, apparently. I heard daily things no person should EVER hear from anyone, let alone someone who promised to love and honor and cherish them. He told he he hated me every single day for the past few years.
I wish my AH well. I hope someday he finds recovery. I know I would not be alive today if not for Alanon, HP, and my friends. You guys saved my life, held me up, made me feel worthy of love. And I think love finally found me.
geez big screen tv????!!!! Reel him in, he is a keeper big time. lol
Well wow you did move on. Good for you. I like the way you are looking at him with open eyes.
Bet it feels good to be appreciated and treated right. I forgot how that feels.
I haven't done the divorce on paper yet sweetie. Gotta be ten years in to get his ss. Not long to go. Or I may wait until he dies if I have not met anyone. that is nill to impossible since I don't go anywhere.
You sound so fresh and healthy. please keep us updated. Believe me we still need alanon no matter what. right?
Thanks, Deb......and yes....I want to make this perfectly clear.....I AM looking at him with open eyes, being wary of anything that sends up a red flag, no matter how small. I am the worlds greatest red flag destroyer in the world. Something bothers me, something doesn't seem right....well, heck, everyone has a bad day, maybe he's just tired, he didn't really mean to say/do/think about that, I just took him wrong....OMG! If I had seen every red flag my ex put in my path I never would have made it to him to even get married to him! My new friend, yeah, I like him a whole bunch. We get along great. Can go out dancing, have A BEER, go home early and watch a movie. Snuggle. Hang out with my granddaughter. Hang out with his parents. He even goes to CHURCH with his mom and dad! Yeah, life is definately better, but, yeah, I still need my alanon. I don't want to mess this fresh, new chance up. Even if he is not an A, I am still affected by someone's drinking, even tho it was in the past. Love in Recovery, Becky1
Wonderful share, thank you Becky for the up side to recovery. Sounds like it's your turn to smell the roses. Take deep breaths. Walk with your head held high. Enjoy everything your life was meant to be. Congratulations, the work sure pays off.
See, we are always looking for "success stories" out there, and here is a great one..... NO, it isn't the Hollywood model, where the sick A gets better and everyone lives happily ever after - but it is a tremendous success story in and of itself.... Yay Becky!
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I like the way you are in no hurry to move into a hugely committed relationship. My idea of heaven used to be to marry tomorrow. I look for a very different experience these days. I am of course also in no hurry at all.
I am glad you have no regrets.
I have no idea where the A I was with was or what he is doing and that works for me. No contact is good for me.
Thanks guys.....and Tom.......! You said I was a success story......wow, how cool is that??? Never thought of it as that way, but yeah, guess I am.
Once in a while I used to read on here about someone who got divorced, moved on with their life, and thought, oh, well, great. I could never do that. Even if I got divorced, my life is going to always revolve around the A because "I love him so much." Now, just look how far I've come, never dreamed it to be possible.
And yeah, trying to take it slow. Hard to do when you have starved for affection for so long, so not too slow in that direction, but as far as making a lifetime commitment, uh no. Maresie , I just got out of my 5th marriage, I'm not a marriageaholic, but the men I was with were. Didn't mean that much to me, except for this last one, is why I stayed and stayed.
How embarrassed I am. I haven't even told my new friend how many times I've been married, he hasn't asked. I feel like I wear the "Scarlet Letter" of the too-many-times divorced woman, and I hate it.
I believe in marriage, and the sanctity of that relationship. I think it is beautiful, with the right person, who I have not found. The jury is still out on this current one, only known each other a month. But makes me feel like crap I've been married that many times. How I wish I hadn't, but can't change it now. Stupid, stupid.
you gave me hope Becky1, I've been married four times and am fixing to go through my fourth divorce. I pretty well have written myself off the "happliy ever after" routine. but your post shows that if you take it slow and its the right person there can be happiness afterall. Thanks for your post. java
