The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(((((family))))) As I am writing, I am smiling. A real, true smile. A smile of contentment, a smile of satisfaction, a smile of proof that miracles really DO happen if we truly seek them. I havent posted for a while as I have been so busy taking care of me. This is something that was new to me, but has now become my top priority. I am taking care of me because of all of YOU! What you have all helped me to do over these past few months has meant far more to me than you will ever know. Because of you and your words, wisdom and shared experiences, I learned things that were so basic, they were beyond my vision. I learned that I mattered. I learned that I could change, but only myself. I learned that I do not have to accept what I find unacceptable. I learned that I can say no and that is enough. I learned that I have no reason to be ashamed of other peoples behaviors or attitudes. I learned that when push comes to shove, I can depend on ME. I learned that I am not alone in my fears, my worries, my joys or my sorrows. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. Over the past month, I have held my sober abf accountable for his actions, and have seen positive results. I believe my attitude, or rather my HEALTHY attitude has contributed to his continuing pursuit of sobriety. I know he is living in fear, fear that I will leave, fear that I am taking back my life and will no longer want him around, and I now know that (for me anyway) fear is a great motivator. He did end up giving me half of his re-enlistment bonus, which I used to buy a car, pay for 1yr of insurance, and is registered and insured in my name only. He, however chose to squander his half and was a bit sulky about it, but I held my ground and got what I needed and what he had promised. I began a new job this past Monday and so far, I love it. Between this new job and my part time job which I have held for over 3yrs, I am now able to call myself independent. I now have the freedom to end this relationship, or stay if I choose to, not because I have to. For all of this, again, I thank you. For me, you have all been my HP in your own way. I wish for all of you the strength to get where you are going, the courage to pursue your dreams, and the continuing pursuit of peace and serenity, which I now know is definitely worth the effort. Because of all of you, I DO feel like a miracle in progress! Love and peace to all! jeannie
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
Miracles really do happen if we seek them, but we do have to seek them earnestly and honestly don't we? thanks for your honest share, it sounds like you have come a long way. I liked reading what you had learned, it is a reminder for me of what I know and need to practice. I learned that I could change, but only myself. I learned that I can say no and that is enough. I learned that I am stronger than I thought.
You are growing up. I love growing up and taking the blinders off and getting my vision back. One of the things I learned with an open mind was to see the good stuff in my alcoholic also. This revealed to me that I was not so defensive and ridgid. She did do some very good stuff and for that I became grateful when I saw it. Alcoholism is not about being bad. It is about being sick. Your alcoholic is generous. How inspiring that it is to me when I need to grow.
