The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband has been home for 30 days, he was loving and touching,kissing and all of that. since he has been back it is like he does not want to touch me at all...i know about the new relationship thing ..but what about the wife...does it mean that no hugging until he is better..really confused here...
I wish I had something comforting to say, but this seems to happen with a lot of newly sober A's. Mine's been sober/dry for 6 months and he's still emotionally unavailable, hardly any intimacy including hugging etc. I'm trying to have faith in a better future which is real hard right now.
My husband has been sober now for 2 years and 5 months, for the best part of this time he has been emotionally unavailable to me, it's been really hard and I have struggled, but I have followed suggestions of using that time to do things for myself and leave him be, I know it's along time but I am happy to say all that is changing now and my patients has paid off, he's coming to me now of his own choice and thats really nice.
I have repeatedly heard the 2 yr mark as being somewhat significant. I think it was it takes about 1 yr to start thinking sober, and 2 yrs to realize you can happily live sober, 5 yrs to actually "be" sober. Then again, there is always the disclaimer that it is different for everyone.
I thought sobriety was the answer. Now I realize it is just another journey, and not necessarily any less stressful than the first. Apparently in the "stark raving sober" phase all the energy goes to not drinking and there isn't much left to contribute to relationships. Friends of ours (he has been in recovery 18 yrs) say that it just takes time, can't say how long, but it does get better. She said that since they didn't have any kids, she just waited it out, but was ready to leave if it didn't get better. During that time she just focused on herself. That seems to be the common answer.
Blessings, Lou
__________________
Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Oh, I remember so well. I remember thinking I felt lonely when he was using, and then feeling even lonlier when he was sober. It seems like that for us, sobriety began and intensely independant part of the journey. Very hard for me to accept for months because of my own codependancy and my expectations of what life would be like with him "sober".
Make it to a meeting! Keep coming back here...it helped me so much....saved my life really. Take care of you...remember what else in life makes you happy and practice every day finding it.
