The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I talked to my ex this morning because I had to find out about the bank account and if he received his unemployment check or not so I could close the account and be done with it. He also owes me money. I called him and he said he got his check in the mail and thought the account had been closed already (he knew it wasn't because last week when I talked to him he said he was waiting for his money to go into the account so I couldn't close it - whatever.) Now he says he will pay me back the money owed in $50 incremints instead of what he said last week $100. So I called him back and said to forget about - consider it a gift. Told him that the $50 dollars would just drag on and on and I couldn't do it - it is just too hard. Told him he could have left a note or something in my mailbox letting me know something. (But that would be considerate.) Said I would be stuck with other bills anyways so just forget it. He said, well I want to do what is right (or some stupid thing like that), and I just said forget it...consider it a gift. I told him that I was doing really well, going to lots of meetings, exercise classes and church and this was just too hard to keep dealing with. He said yeah, it sounds like your doing really well. He said he called one of the guys from his (our) AA meetings. But I didn't ask any questions about what he was doing, AA or anything and he didn't say he was going or what he was doing. I just want it done. And this was the last tie I had to deal with him about. So now I feel like its really closed. I had a panic attack after I talked to him. First one I've had in almost a year. But I know I will be fine. I do feel a bit of serenity coming to me over the last week. And I know I deserve a better life. Thanks so much to all of you here for listening to me go on and on and on and sharing your replies of encourment. I re-read your posts over and over again, and they have made feel so much comfort and encourgement. Thank you.
That is a pretty encouraging post Louise, in it's entirety.... if you are able to make a clean financial break from him, all the better... .it is amazing how things like the "promise of repayment" will keep us hooked and under their thumb for what seems like eons.....
This is where the ODAT comes into play, and can be broken down into smaller increments if you need it...... one hour at a time.... one minute at a time.... etc..... Try not to do too much future planning and projecting until you are ready to do so.... Just for today..... breathe in, breathe out...... put one foot in front of the other....... See, it's working!!! :)
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Holy cow, girl!!! You are on warp speed with this program and putting it to work for you!!!!
Letting go of what he owed you is HUGE!!!! And priceless. No constant arguments and he can feel like a load of turd if he so chooses. You released him! HUGE!!!
Your progress is inspiring and you are one strong woman!!!!
I was so surprised by everyone's replies. I thought for sure people would think I was being weak and was just letting him get away with the responsiblities of what he owes me. But I know I just couldn't drag it on. Seeing his handwriting on an envelope would even set me back. However, last night of course I started to "analyze" the conversation. I was proud of what I did and what I said. But I also thought, should I have said more about him calling one of his AA members. This is actually a huge thing for him as he has never reached out to anyone in AA before other than in meetings. So I texted him last night just to say : "proud of you for calling that person and I think that is a good thing - Thats all. Night."He did not respond which is fine. I'm wondering now if this was part of the "pulling me back in" to the sickness. But this morning I still think I am on track. Not perfect. I have been with him for a long time and I am going to have some setbacks. So I am not going to beat myself up. I am proud of him for reaching out - Like canidian guy said "one hour at a time.... one minute at a time.... etc.....". But today I again thank you all for sticking by me and for the support and wonderful words. Hope one of these days I can return the favor to some of you! On to a positive day!
