The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
... what you can find out about yourself once you've started a program like this.
My story with my qualifier isn't much different from anyone else's - he drank, I nagged, he drank more, I left, he followed, I returned ... you get the picture ... and my friends and family think I'm nuts and "deserve what's coming to me" for going back to him over and over. Of course, they don't get it. Most of the time *I* don't even get it.
One day about a year and a half ago, I started going to Al-anon. I found out there were meetings in my town a few nights a week and I gathered up my courage and headed over. To my shock and dismay, there were no "I hate my A" chantings going on and no Instructional Manual on how to "Fix" the A in my life. Huh? What was this? You mean, I work on ME in this program???? But *I* am juuuuust fine .. HE has the problem, right? I went to a few more meetings then stopped all together.
Over the last year my qualifier has been working his program and doing well (progress, not perfection) and we are expecting twins in February (his first, my fourth and fifth). As most of you women, and some men for that matter, might know, pregnant woman hormones can make you more insane that a qualifier can LOL and one day, during a particularly horrifying insane moment where I was about to say something awful like, "why can't you disappear and save me the years of heartache ahead?", I saw my "Courage to Change" and "Hope for Today" books on my shelf. I went online to check the meeting schedule (which, btw, is in dire need of an update) and took myself to a meeting. There were a few familiar faces and a lot of smiles from people who were genuinely happy to see me. I felt ... relieved. The difference? This time, it's for me .. for me, first and foremost. He has his program, I now have mine. Some days are better than others but all days are better than what used to be.
I am still very new to the program but am excited that it is here and that it found me and that I am able to find some semblance of peace with myself. I learn something new about myself nearly every day and am learning to use the tools I am given with this program to slowly change the things about myself that I am able (I was always quite fond of having a quick wit and slick tongue but sometimes that doesn't help a situation LOL).
Just in case anyone stumbles on this thread wondering, "is this program for me?", I hope this short look into my life helps you to decide to go to a meeting and see for yourself.
Peace and love ...
__________________
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." -Aristotle
What a share!! I of course am from the "other side" the male world...Mars. Having lost my orbit while being married to the alcoholic, my newest qualifier for this program, I crashed landed into this program in the mainland and found mostly inhabitants from Venus...women and they became my teachers and mentors. It wasn't easy by a long shot trying to be kane on a huge island with wahine warriors. Being humble (teachable) wasn't easy and I am glad thart my HP (Akua) found that this was the best place for me. I learned slow just like in my family or orgin where I learned nothing except from the kupuna (elders) that I loved to be with and listen to. My gratitude is for the entire journey and for all of the women who put up with me, demanded from me, sat with me and loved me unconditionally to ask me to keep coming back over and over. They had the faith...I didn't yet. Still I learned things about the male/female relationship that support me even until today and which you mentioned in your post and which I also am allowed to practice. One of which is there are natural conditions to being male that are not helpful in my relation- ships with others and at times especially women. Recognizing that the program has impressed upon me that I don't get to hold others hostage to those conditions. They are mine...I get to own them entirely while at the same time owning solutions to them given to me from membership in this spiritual ohana. I work the solutions as very best I can. They work for me as they have worked for my kumu (teachers) exactly as promised. I have also learned not to accept responsibility or victimization from the consequences of my wife's condition. I have learned to say to her, "I understand that what you are going thru is natural and not pleasant. I don't see in it anything that says I must pay for it." Things change and I am more grateful for the lessons.
Two are certainly much more than one. I can just imagine your journey. There is no way I can say, "I know what you are going thru" when it comes to being "Two times Blessed". I can however say I know what you are going thru while learning and working this program.
Thanks for the Mana`o. Keep coming back and I hope to meet you in the rooms of Al-Anon someday. Cyber (((((hugs))))) are fine. Real ones are "mo bettah". Your's with Aloha and Kokua.
Hi there I am new to this program and well havent gotten into an actual meeting yet, but I am. I think I was asking myself the same thing, is this program for me. I am so happy I read your post. I am going to go to a meeting tomrow, one I found online, I hope its still there like you said it needs updating.. thanks so much for making me feel it is okay to go. hugs, lori
Thank you so much for your share, it is so fantastic when I see someone who really "Get's it" and honey you have gotten it.
I wish so many people weren't afraid of going to that first meeting. I've never seen anyone get their head chewed off yet. LOL
A few weeks after entering my first Al-Anon meeting we were studying detachment and it was my turn to read from the ODAT. I did my duty and read the entry I was asked to read then responded...
"THIS BOOK IS POSSESSED...I want to know WHO got ahold of my story, published it and then sold a zillion copies, made who knows how much money and never asked my permission. Every time I read something in this book it smacks me right between the eyes."
Then came the realization...I was in a room full of people that I barely knew and gosh darn it I think I might be normal. ROFL That is when someone pointed out that the only place you find normal is a setting on your washing machine.
In recovery and loving it Barb
__________________
Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
