The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Any and every relationship, whether it is with your spouse, your client, your employer, or the tech support person on the other end of the phone, is greatly enhanced by understanding. Make the effort to sincerely understand and to be clearly understood.
Too often we allow assumptions to take the place of understanding. Assumptions are quick and easy. Unfortunately they're often just plain wrong. Understanding takes more time, more patience, and more work. It's worth the extra effort.
Understanding can turn an adversarial relationship into a positive, productive one. Understanding can solve problems which previously seemed intractable. Understanding can leverage your efforts and broaden your knowledge.
There is enormous positive value in the people around you. Understanding gives you access to that value and indeed make it grow even stronger.
This might be a bit off subject, but your first sentence reminded me of my phone conversation with the customer support people from the phone company yesterday morning. I talked to a guy first, he was so nice, friendly, and patient. He even asked me what the weather was like here in S.C. Maybe had to do with me being the first caller of the day too.
The second person I talked to was a woman, and she also asked how the weather was here, and I asked her where she was at. We had a few moments of small talk and it was so nice, even though I didn't know the people, it helped me to have a good outlook on the rest of the day.
Hmmm.... I guess the concept of "understanding" is hard to refute, but the danger of this, on this board, may be that it is, at times, next to impossible to "understand" the actions of active alcoholics, or even sometimes dry alcoholics....
There are many times, however futile, that we spend way too much time trying to make "sense out of nonsense"......
Outside of alcoholism and addictions, I would fully concur with this post..... within the chaos and lunacy of this disease, however, I would suggest that this might be an exercise in frustration and futility....
Perhaps some additional words, help make it applicable even here, as in.....
"Understanding of the whats" is an important part of our learning, growth, and recovery..... "understanding of the whys" is a one-way ticket to the rubber room with the men in the white coats..... :)
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
My sober A Hubby one day told me that he is a "person" not only an alcholic. It was a very sweet conversation between us that day. My original post was just a little reminder that everyone deserves the time to be understood. I am a believer that you get more bees with honey than you do vinager. If my A Hubby and I both understand each other, life is less complicated. I may not always agree, but at least I understand.
