Just to forewarn you, this is long

My ex A b/f has been home from rehab for a week and I havent spoken with him.  Yes hes called, left messages, but I havent taken his calls.  This is big for me. Really big and I am proud of myself for sticking to my guns.  My curiosity is still here as far as how he is doing, how he is coping with what is about to happen to him (jail time) and what hes been doing with himself.  Although I am curious, I am not acting on it (calling him back).

This weekend, with some hesitation on my part, my current boyfriend and I ventured to a quaint little town that my ex A b/f and I used to frequent.  I really didnt want to go there because of the memories that may resurface but I gave in and said what the heck. I cant avoid everyplace my ex and I used to visit otherwise Id have to live in a bubble.  I did have a bad feeling though about going back there.

We headed to this little town on Saturday afternoon with reservations at a really nice Bed and Breakfast.  The afternoon was wonderful.  I didnt think about my ex and truly enjoyed spending time with my boyfriend there.  The town is so upbeat and happening.  Its also a very romantic place. My boyfriend is SO romantic and caring and that is something that I wasnt accustomed to with my ex.

 Although the weather wasnt all that great we took a walk along the river, had dinner at an adorable little restaurant and then headed into one of the many bars in town to just relax, talk and have a few drinks.  We were having a great time until.

I  heard a commotion on the other side of the bar.  Very loud conversation. Recognizable voice. Stupid drunken laughing that I had come to hate over the years when I was with my ex. I wanted to throw up.  I was shaking inside. I just knew it was him. To confirm what I feared, I tried to get a better look at who was making this commotion and just my luck, there sat my ex with a woman that looked like she had just stopped pole dancing..  He didnt see me sitting at the bar. He was CLEARLY wasted out of his mind and so was the woman he was with.

I leaned over to my boyfriend and told him who was sitting not more than 20 feet away from us and asked him if we could switch to one of the tables in the back of the bar.  He reached for my hand and asked if I wanted to leave.  I said no. He said we could do whatever made me comfortable then he leaned over and kissed me. We moved to the back of the bar and continued our conversation.  I forgot that the bathrooms were in the back and that anyone heading to the bathroom would have a clear view of us.  About 20 minutes later, that woman who resembled a pole dancer walked past us heading to the ladies room.  What a piece of trash this woman looked like!  WOW.  She was stumbling as she walked into the restroom.  Not more than 2 minutes later, my ex walks passed us. He didnt see us sitting there.  By now my stomach had a HUGE knot in it.   Out comes the pole dancer heading back to the bar.  She has no clue of course who I am. Thank God.

I wish I was so lucky when my ex exited the restroom. Ever have that sense that someone is starring at you?  We he was standing there starring right at us. With a look that could kill.  I saw him.  He saw me.  He saw my boyfriend.  WOW was I feeling sick to my stomach.  My boyfriend and I continued our conversation ignoring him.  He went back to the bar to join his lady friend. I guess he knew better than to come any closer to us.

My boyfriend said, come on, lets leave.  I said, I think thats a good idea.  We stood up, he gave me a huge hug, kissed my forehead and we proceeded to walk out of the bar holding hands (we always hold hands)

When we got outside, I had tears in my eyes.  I just couldnt believe that after getting a 4^th DUI, spending over a month in rehab, awaiting a court date which should be coming up soon that he was in a bar drunk out of his mind.  I couldnt hide these emotions from my boyfriend.  He held me for while as we stood there in the rain.  He knew I wasnt ok so he said, come on lets go back to the bed and breakfast and forget that you ever saw that idiot tonight.  Thats exactly what we did.  The rest of the weekend was fine.  I knew he may be there still, but I wasnt going to let him bring me down. 

I warned you all that this was long, but I just needed to vent.

All I can say is I am so happy that I got out of that relationship when I did. I dont think hes hit bottom yet and I certainly dont want to be around when he does.

I am so thankful I was able to move on and that I was fortunate enough to meet the man I am with now.  Oh how it is so different dating someone that isnt an addict.  Someone that isnt afraid to show emotions.  Someone that is affectionate beyond imagination. I guess all things happen for a reason.  I guess my HP really does look over me!