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Well as some of you read, we got into an argument Friday. Well same again yesterday after he came back home. He kept telling me that he didn't like this, he didn't like that. Icecream I bought wasn't the kind HE wanted, not much later he ate some of it. Then he tells me I don't ever buy any food that he likes to eat and that's what he gives me money for. Same ole, same ole. This is so stupid.
This sort've like this: I'll cook for 5 days, he eats, does't complain, but doesn't appreciate it either, takes me for granted. Then I might not cook for a day or cook nothing special, and then he complains that I never buy things he likes, starts talking about not giving me over a certain amount of money, whatever.
What really upset me was my daughter was in the same room. I asked him not to argue with me while she's around. He did not respect that. I asked him to come outside and talk, he would not. Later on he acted like nothing happened.
I don't care weather he is upset about having spent all weekend in jail, or about food, or gasprices, or whatever, I am tired of his tantrums. I try not to engage in arguments, but the things he has been saying (friday and sunday) give me the need to justify myself and stand up for myself.
The really wierd thing is, my child was online during the argument. She completely blocked it out. She showed me things on the computer and just went on with her stuff. It was amazing that she could block it out like that, like everything was normal. This was probably the first argument we had while she was around in the last 6 months.
Is this normal? Nitpicking I guess some call it, anger issues? Maybe anger management would help, haha.
Dunno... but I read "red flags" all over the place.... your daughter might not be reacting, but it's typically a coping technique she is using.... think you may want to change your description of your A to "a-dry" vs. a-sober, cuz this is very much an alcoholic tendency...... (remember the egg story, lol)
Hope you and your daughter are taking care of yourselves, and focussing on YOUR recoveries....
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
sounds all too familiar, my A does the same exact stuff except I pay for it too lol and he has the nerve to say its not healthy enough, like what kid doesnt want koolaid? and how healthy is beer anyways? DUH, sorry little irritated when I hear this sort of thing, I too despise him cutting me down in front of the kids but yet it always seems to happen.
ah buick dejavue again for me ,your good at doing that to me . hehe Yes it is normal for my house anyway early sobriety is tough he is sober and sees all our flaws , it sure is easier than looking at himself , hmmmmmm that was a problem for me too easier to look at him and ignore my own problems . oh well daughter blocking things out ? I don't think so if u sat her down she can probably remember every word that exchanged between you , they don't miss a thing ,perhaps some alateen literature for her will help that is something u can do to gether , thier beginners ADAT * a day at a time * small red daily reader is awsome it is written by kids for kids , thier perspective is so simple and to the point , it used to be my fav book early in recovery . Humor works for me in your situation when he complains about the ice cream suggest he do the shopping (nicely ) and let it go or a simple reply this is the one I like if you want a diff kind put it on the list and I will pick it up next time and walk away . again please read the page on July 14th in our ODAT it says it all . especially don't assage his guilt by arguing with him . good luck hon focus focus focus on you. Louise
canadian guy wrote - think you may want to change your description of your A to "a-dry" vs. a-sober - I had to smile about this because you are not the first one who said that, it's so true.
Abbyal: Sorry about the dejavue . Okay time to go back to july 14th in the book. Believe me though, I am doing a lot better than I used to. I also know now that a big part of his worries is money, well it's like that for everyone around here, especially since the economy isn't great at the time. Well when he talked about money earlier, he didn't blame me, wow. We had a short chat about it, no getting upset, nothing. Anyway he's at a meeting now, I am so thankful for that. I guess when I slip, I REALLY slip.
So she's not too young for alateen literature at 12?
I have told him before to do the shopping himself, well it has worked before, guess I'll try that again next time.
Erica: We do share the bills and I buy most of the food. Anyway, I remember him complaining about me buying junk like yoghurt, fruit, snacks and stuff for my child and me. Haha, I told him that I'm going to buy it if I decide to plus it's healthy. So I'm with you on that one. I have always believed in eating healthy and it does cost more.
Thanks again you guys. You are great. My place for sanity or reaching that point anyway.
Well, there must be bananna pealings everywhere, because I slip too!!! It happens. I am glad that we can come here and pick ourselves up.
I don't know about your A, but let me tell ya about mine....if it is not the money he worries about or blames his bad moods on it will be something else. He always has something on his mind that causes worry. For my A, Sober HubbyEverything is always important enough to be a jerk to everyone who comes in his path. I am learning to stay clear of his path. I am learning to keep my side of the street clean. And if there is nothing in the pantry that he likes to eat, then he knows where the store is. Since you buy the food, give him $20 and send him on his way, lets see what he comes back with.
Hugs to your daughter! Believe me, at 12 they know more than you think.
it's so good to hear from you. Good way you put it, yes there are banana peels everywhere . Well this morning, the complaining started again, I told him I didn't want to argue. The second time he said something, I kept my mouth shut, and blocked him out. He said nothing else. Was I proud of myself, especially because it was early in the morning.
Good idea about sending him to the store, I will do that next time . I know he'll come back with steak and little debbie cakes, and icecream of course . Oh yeah, the icecream he absolutely did not like the other day is gone, and guess who had most of it? lol
Right now I can joke and laugh about these things, and that's better than being upset or obsessing about it.
Oh now he's thinking about finding a job in Tx. Well, I won't keep him, need to breathe anyway.
Yep, its definately a roller coaster with these men of ours.
I am proud of you too, its so hard to keep my mouth shut, I know what you mean. Great progress!
Go figure, he at all the ice cream! LOL! My Hubby has been to the store many times. He nomally comes back with all kinds of "stuff" and never anything to complete a meal. Or he calls me a million times while he is at the store asking if we have this or that. And comes home looking like he has just been put through the ringer. Funny thing is that after a few times of his grocery shopping adventures, he stopped complaining.
Are we talking about the same man? lol Mine does that too, when he's at the store he calls me, like he can't do this simple task by himself. He used to always call on his way home and ask what's for dinner, I mean that was the first thing he would say. That so irritated me. The last time I beat him to the question and asked first. He laughed. He's not asked me what's for dinner on the phone since then. Guess humor works at times.
I remember one week we went to the grocery store together and he was so proud to have bought 5 meals for $60. All the meat was hamburger meat, didn't get any fruit or vegetables, not the stuff I like. Anyway, it was nice to see him so proud of himself.
I told him yesterday that I'm tired of him taking his anger out on me and that I don't even like being around him anymore because of it. He said he doesn't know why he's been getting so angry. Anyway, he acknowledged what I had to say, and we did not argue or anything yesterday. Don't know if what I said helped, maybe he just had a better day.
. Okay time to go back to july 14th in the book. Believe me though, I am doing a lot better than I used to. I also know now that a big part of his worries is money, well it's like that for everyone around here, especially since the economy isn't great at the time. Well when he talked about money earlier, he didn't blame me, wow. We had a short chat about it, no getting upset, nothing. Anyway he's at a meeting now, I am so thankful for that. I guess when I slip, I REALLY slip.