The material presented
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Well well I should have known it would not have lasted, my husband of five years, is an alcoholic and well stopped drinking again and then just a few weeks ago, with football season starting up, said he thinks he can handle one or two beers, uh ya rite, if that was the case he would not have ever needed to have that discusison with me.. So now here I sit, 2 hours ago I just came home from the movies and well he is gone, no phone call, no note, nothing, he is not answering his calls, his texts nothing. I dont know where he is, i went to the local Chilis where he normally would go and he is not there. I am so hurt and so tired of this.. I dont know what to expect when he comes home, dont want to deal with him anymore and well just want a better life for myself.. This is the second binge he has had this month, the first i found out he lied to me, made up a story and blah blah blah, you know the deal with addicts, stories, lies and more lies to cover up their drinking.. well why oh why cant i ever in my life find someone who loves me and respects me and well is " normal" i dont like using that word, but well someone who doesnt sneak out , lie and cheat.. is there such a thing as true love.. no there is not and well at this point in my life i dont even want that man. i just want a normal life. what is going to happen when he gets home.. is he going to get mean, violent, stupid, throw up every where , and make me clean it, is he going to even make it home tonight.. hmm these are the questions i have and well only time can answer this.. i just want to be left alone from him.. dont bother me and well leave me alone.. and well i guess tomorrow will be a bad day to due too a hangover.. with him.. ... Lori
I care, l'm so sorry. do you go to face to face meetings? Do you have a sponsor? If not these things really helped me. Wish I had something better to say. Please know I care and will say a prayer for you tonight!
He is only doing what A's do drink . and if he barfs all over the place leave it for him to clean up if he gets violent call the police . Please find some al anon meetings for yourself u need support from people who understand you and can share with you what worked for them when dealing with an active A . U have better things to do than spend yur time looking for someone who dosent want to be found , calling and leaving messages makes us look like the crazy person ,you know what he's doing leave him to it and get some sleep .
Gosh I use to hate that doom projection myself when I did it while the drinking and drugging was going on. I learned I could make it stop. I learned that from calling the hotline number for the Al-Anon Family Groups and taking the suggestion of attending the next face to face meeting and then taking the next suggestion at the meeting to keep coming back. My life has changed and I haven't gone thru that problem for a long long time. It only takes following up on the suggestion one day at a time. This program saved my life and in a manner of speaking hers also. You don't have to go thru the problem ever again if you follow up on the the suggestions.
Just wanted to let you know that I care and can relate. In my bf's later stages of drinking I didn't know where he was half the time, I didn't know when or if he would come home, I didn't know if he was going to be mean or destructive when he got home. I did know he was out drinking.
The last time my A came home drunk and this was the day I broke up with him, he was acting completely crazy, accusing me of things, tried to keep me from leaving the house, threw our cat on our dog, caused neighbors problems, flooded my car with the waterhose, had to call the police twice that night.
Dealing with an A can get scary and I hope you will protect yourself should things get bad.
Well he came home, was mean and argumentative, wanted to go to dinner drunk, I said no, he got even meaner and then took off again. He didnt come back all night but when I woke up this morning he was on the couch asleep. At least he didnt come upstairs and bother me.. LOL. but i woke him up so he can go upstairs my landlord is coming over and well he is still being mean. Lord this going to be a bad day.. I am going to get into a meeting, ...
I live with people who are very very difficult and either hung over or craving something. I have to admit it is very very difficult. I do however no longer allow my moods to be dictated by them.
I dont know how you deal with him not even coming home... wow.. if my A ever decided not to show up for the night he will come home to his things.. like his transformer and star wars collectible all over the front lawn.. thats all I have to say about that. you hang in there girl.
Hi Loretta, So, your husband had a dreaded binge? You were right, you should have know. You just sit there and you don't know what to expect when he comes home. He's not answering your calls or texts. For a minute there, I thought you were me!
........you were out at a movie without him! That's wonderful, you are taking care of you! Keep it up! Don't just sit there waiting and wondering. And if you get out, don't get out looking for him. Go do something for yourself. What does it solve if you find him anyway? You go into the bar, yell at him for drinking at a bar while he is drunk (thats what i did). It solves nothing and everyone there thinks that you/me are the un-normal ones with the problem. Well, girlfriend! I will not give my husband that satisfaction ever again. Clean the vomit!!! Oh no ma'am. Just don't. That's his problem. Don't enable him by cleaning it. Let him think about just how much fun he had at the bar while cleaning that mess up. Maybe he will think twice before it happens again.
..........you don't know what to expect. Well, expect nothing and enjoy what you can. It's all up to you to have a good day or a bad day. That's your decision.
Has your husand admitted that he is an alcholic? Is he in a program? Does he have a sponser? I ask these questions because my husband has been in the program for 10 years. Just recently got a sponser and is doing okay for now. I can't tell you if you should stay or not, but if my hubby would not have been in the program and got a sponser in July, I would have left. But he is not the only person who needs to get better, I do to.
Thank you for your post. It reminded me to be grateful of what I have today. Today, I am learning to take care of me. Today I have a sober husband who has been too busy to hang out with me because he is keeping his mind active to keep himself sober. There is hope!!!!!! Good Luck to You!
I used to always let his moods get me down, and it still happens, but it doesn't last for the rest of the day anymore, especially since MIP. Oh, all those bad memories are back like it was just yesterday.
Like you said, at least he didn't come to bed drunk and slept on the couch. I am so thankful my bf stopped (even though it isn't that easy to live with him).
