The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The other day I felt really peaceful and strong, I visualised giving my Abf a kiss on the cheek and handing him over to the care of God. This really worked for me and I felt good, everytime I started stressing I repeated this image in my mind. Great progress for me. Then yesterday evening whilst I was in work he phoned, this is the bf who wrote and asked me not to call/write him in rehab as it may affect his recovery. So I'm in the middle of a busy ER and trying to just be calm. He chatted happily like I'd just seen him that morning!! A long list of events and tales of gripes at the rehab. Some nonsense on how one of the workers there has 'favourites' and she is going to be his councilor, and what should he do, then about him coming home for a visit next month, then in passing how he'd attended a Dr's for blood tests and it had shown positive for antibodies and he had further tests....this was last week!! I said do you not think you should of let me know? He said there's no point worrying yet!! He said he'd shared on it in meetings and had decided that I'm fine as its low risk. All his previos tests have been negative ( I know this for a fact) We chatted for a while longer ALL ABOUT HIM then he said he'd call me next week after he gets the next lot of results. I am a health care professional and aware of all the issues here (Hep C) so I'm not outraged around the issue it's just the total lack of concern about anything else but himself. I've spent the past few weeks in bits and he is carrying on like a child. I am so angry I cant tell you. Calling me in work is selfish, not calling for weeks is selfish, writing me cruel letters is selfish..... Thanks for listening to me I know I deserve this in a way,I know all this behaviour comes with the terratory but I'm stunned.
Am trying so hard to be strong didnt even express my feelings on the phone, just my usual bright cheery self. What an idiot
Mariner you are not an idiot, you simply do what you have done and that is OK because it gets you through- you needed to be at work, finish your shift and be cool and calm for your co-workers, clients and patients.
Stop being mean to yourself. You did the very best you could and it worked- it got you through your shift. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in that. In fact, you did what you had to do.
Another time, you will be in a better place to do somethings different. Rome was not built in a day. Please be gentle and loving with yourself, you are a treasure. Hugs, J.
Sounds to me like he is still using you as his support system. And why not? It's working for him.
I am familiar with this. Both my exAH and I would do this after he moved out, I think because it was a system we had in place for 26 years. It doesn't happen anymore. I, for one, have a new support system, but it didn't happen overnight. It was like a transition period.
Your visualization sounds powerful. I do something similar when I think of him, "I release you to the Holy Spirit."
Remember that he is still sick. Sick people are selfish. You do not have to take responsibility for him, regardless of your profession. It sounds like you didn't express your true feelings because perhaps your professionalism took over. Set your boundaries. Take care of YOU.
-- Edited by glad lee at 11:18, 2008-09-27
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I am totally with Jean on this. You are most definately NOT an idiot!
You are doing the best you can, be gentle with yourself.
One thing I have learned is I don't have to take calls. And especially when I am at work, and especially from someone that might have the potential to "rile me up!"
If I answer the call at all, I just tell them, "I am at work and this is not a good time, call me later when I am at home". It was hard the first times I did this, because I always think I have to take EVERY call...lol. Guess what? I don't! And the world continues to exist! Oh, and I have also gone a step further..when I do talk to the person again at a time of MY choosing, I let them know...kindly... not to call me at work or after midnight unless they are bleeding!
Oh, and I have also gone a step further..when I do talk to the person again at a time of MY choosing, I let them know...kindly... not to call me at work or after midnight unless they are bleeding!