The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, the little ice storm has given me an extra day off. I'm a teacher and school was cancelled everywhere around here. I love these days now just as much as I did when I was a kid in school. Thought I'd take the time to update. My daughter has a new probation officer and she was finally able to get off her breathalizers. She was on twice a day breathalizers at her request since she violated last time. She has been on them for 6 months now. She also lost her license for three months due to driving on a restricted license where she wasn't supposed to drive. We helped her with bus tickets to get to her breathalizers but had to go into town every night for the evening ones, the bus wasn't running then. It made for a long day, an extra 1 1/2 hour of driving time. Glad that is over. I also called her probation officer and asked if it was a requirement if daughter has to get her GED before she can get off of probation. I was so surprised when her probation officer called me back (daughter is 21.) I said I didn't want to interfer but if that is a requirement (it is) I thought it would be good for the PO to remind my daughter of that. I have tried to encourage her to get her GED, even paid for an online tutoring program she could study with while home without a license, but I think the courts have more power than I do and frankly, I would rather the directives come from there anyway. Probation officer said she was certainly going to inform my daughter that the GED was a requirement. I am now trying to get my mind to the point of letting go and realizing that I will have to remove the safety net I have provided for daughter. Even thou she has had some very hard times, in the end, I was there to help her out. I'd let her suffer, in fact she basically lived by squatting in an empty apartment with some others for awhile, but in the end, I rescued her...what could I do, she was so young. I don't know what will happen, maybe she will get her act together, but I do think she has learned some things and I do hope that she won't put herself in such dangerous situations when she is truely on her own again. Her lease runs out in September and unless she is going to school, the financial help will have to end at that time. Thanks for listeneing to my rambling.
I looked and I looked throughout your post and I could not find where you rambled. Could you please show me where you rambled? I am 59 years of age; the last 20 of I started to mature. Maturity wise I think that I am probably about 50. Anyway, I think I am coming to believe that when it comes to enabling and not enabling, we live in the gray area. This is probably more so when it comes to our children. This has to be true because we cannot be perfect at anything. The last person who I heard was perfect got crucified. If we cannot be perfect non-enablers then we must be living in the gray area. However, if we are struggling with knowing when we crossover from being just a helper to enabling, then the struggle is true evidence that we are on the right path… you know.
I too love the ice/snow days just as much now as I did as a kid. Now that my son is in school it seems like a day off. I'm still waiting for a huge snow fall so we can make tunnels in the snow like we did after one storm i remember. lol the memories
Sounds like your daughter is making progress. I'm glad!
As I was reading your post it reminded me of my teen days and the times I felt were tuff. The times i would call for help and mom and dad would say no that I would be able to figure things out on my own. I used to get so angry and felt like they hated me. I realize now that it was tuff love. It must have been harder for them than it was for me. Now I think back and realize that it helpped me in the long run. I learned the value of work and working for what i wanted ect. The funny thing now is that dad calles for help now more than i call him.LOL its funny to me now.
I can't even immagine all you have been through with your daughter because my kids are still very young and the worry and how much you care for your kids is unexplainable but I do hope that when and if the time comes for me to practice the Tuff Love with my kids that I remember the posts from you and other mothers on here to help me.
The best of luck and you and your daughter will be in my prayers JJ
