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Just reading some recent posts about fears/concerns about crying at F2F meetings, worried that once the tears flow, they will never stop, etc.....
Brought me back to similar feelings - mostly pride/arrogance/gender based - where I thought "men don't cry, or at least not in public".....
That misnomer held me back from my recovery for quite awhile.... I had so much angst and junk inside of me, but I was scared to let it out..... After awhile, it just came out on it's own, kinda like boiling over..... But then, I had a realization..... Al-Anon is the coolest place in the world...... Cuz I was crying like a baby in meetings, and NOBODY was mocking me, or judging me..... Wow.... I think I needed this realization to fully accept that my meetings were a "safe" place for me, in every respect of the word..... I could be myself there, no holds barred..... I could let out everything that was inside, and afterwards it was cleansing, and even empowering....
This went to a new level, for me, when I started attending all-male Al-Anon meetings, when I was in a bigger city for awhile..... How cool it was to see a group of men, from all walks of life - sharing stories, fears, emotions..... there were lots of tears.... lots of hugs..... lots of "recovery love" in that room.... and it is something that I will never forget....
So I guess my point to this post, if there is one.... is to encourage those of you out there who are dragging their heels on attending F2F meetings, because of the fear of being vulnerable..... There is likely no better place in the world to BE vulnerable..... and it will help you in your recovery....
Today, I can cry at sad things..... and at happy things...... and I really don't concern myself over it one little bit..... I thank Al-Anon for this.
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you so very much for sharing that with us. We don't have very many men that attend our local f2f meetings on a regular basis. However, the ones that do soon feel free to let it all out, cry as hard as they have to but let it all out.
I can remember being told many times that crying is good for you. Why the general population thinks this is gender specific has always puzzled me. Personally I admire a man that can let his feelings show instead of always stuffing it.
Al-Anon is like a good friend to me when I need to cry. It will hold me until I finish and never judge me and absolutely never say "don't cry". Those two words are among the worst words we can say to our children; look what they have done to us. Those two words taught us from a very early age not to show our feelings. Just imagine how much better off we would all have been had we not stuffed everyting.
Barb
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I was off and crying from my first meeting! At first I was very embarrassed.
I am an emotional person. Always have been. At home as a child I was discouraged from showing too many emotions of any kind, but especially not crying!! And when I would cry if my ex-wife was around...oh she just hated that. She could not deal with it at all, and would berate me for it.
I too was amazed at how wonderful and safe it was to cry at meetings. No judgement. No embarrassment. No one trying to get me to buck up and cut it out!
I am often moved to tears these days by strong emotions. Happiness. Compassion. Love. Pride in the accomplishments of others and yes Sadness too. It doesn't really matter what it is I am crying at now, I do it freely without shame. It is a natural expression of the spiritual being that I am.
Thanks for your AWESOME! post. Like Mobirdie, I have great admiration and respect for men who are able to show their feelings on a variety of issues. I don't see it as a weakness at all.
Just two weeks ago at my face to face meeting (50% men, 50% women) three of the men were choked up during their shares -- one of which is a very good friend of mine. I was so darn proud of them for sharing and allowing us into their lives. My friend even allowed me to put my arm around him and rub his back while he was pouring his heart out. It truly affected each of us in such a positive way.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing with us, Love Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Just tonight at my meeting a woman was sharing about her husband who got drunk at a wedding last weekend. She said he was so drunk he was falling asleep into his soup. She sat there and tried to laugh about it and all of the sudden she started crying. She couldn't go on with her story. And she didn't have to.
Her pain was so familiar to me, to all of us there in that room. I felt her shame, her grief, her anger. She didn't have to say a word.
I remember living with all of that. I am grateful that I no longer live with that. I felt so much compassion for her struggle. I remember what it is to love someone who is actively killing themselves.
You are so right,Tom. This is the safest place for honesty and tears. Also for hope and laughter. In these rooms, I have found saftey that I never knew exisited.
There is no gift more precious then being trusted by a man that he feels comfortable enough to show his emotions, openly, without fear, without shame, without embarrassment.
I had to learn to cry when i was around 19 by a therapist. I was taught never to cry from a very early age. Only my A mom was allowed to cry in our family. As a tiny infant my first memories are of crying and crying and never being picked up or attended to, just laying in a crib and crying and looking up at the ceiling, etc. laying there with dirty diapers for days. Eventually I just stopped crying as an infant because I must have figured out this was not working and did not start again until I was 19 or 20.
Now, I cry when I need to and do not feel bad about it but its still hard once in awhile. It still feels like an indulgence and like something my A mom does, not me. But I do, too. We all do. Its OK. I am OK. Hugs, J.
At first I was very embarrassed. 
