The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Went to my first Alanon meeting on Tuesday night. It was amazing how much comfort and love I felt from everyone. But I couldn't even open my mouth because the tears wouldn't stop flowing. They of course assured me that they were all like this when they first started coming. Please tell me this is true because I definitely owe them a box of tissue. Lately, whenever I even think about myself and this situation I'm in all I do is cry but never around AH or my children. I received the book from from CanadianGuy and it has helped so much so far and I'm making time to read all the Alan phamplets they gave me. It's a bit overwhelming but I know I'm going to get through this and prevail with our without my AH. I want to be happy for myself again and will.
On another note, my AH of course denied he has drank the last couple weeks which I didn't even respond to. But to cure my guilt I had to check his hiding place and sure enough found 2 pints of 80 proof vodka. This just tells me i'm not insane when I thought he was off. This makes me nervous because I'm trying to work more and sometimes I do some weekend work so that he can watch the children to save on childcare but I do not trust him alone at night with my children anymore. So now I have to figure out some other way to increase my income. I currently work from home 15 hours a week and do some subbing at the school, and my weekend work is promotional modeling which I love and it gets me out of the house and meeting interesting people. But I can't sacrifice my childrens well being. I guess I answered my own question here.
Sorry to ramble. Thanks for listening.
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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Great news that you are attending a f2f meeting. It was and is a huge comfort to know I have a group of people to turn to in a crisis who truely know what I am dealing with every day.
I have stopped checking the bottles as it drove me nuts and obsessive behavior on my part. But when I start to slip back into denial that his drinking isn't that bad - I check and am amazed how much he drinks. I think with the high tolerance it can be hard to know unless it is obvious by bad behavior. Sometimes the behavior is subtle & crazy so it is hard to know and made me feel like I was crazy. It is easier for me to not be in denial the more I understand about this horrible disease.
Keep coming back here and to your f2f meetings.
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
The best thing for me is to keep going to meetings. It helps so much in the long run. Taking care of ourselves is not as easy as it should be sometimes, but it is definitely worth it in the end.
I applaud you, I am still trying to talk myself into going to that first meeting. It's on the same night as my TOPS meeting, TOPS is like weight watchers. I feel that group has helped me a lot with my weight loss but I know I also really need support in dealing with my A husband. It's really hard and sometimes I want to leave but he begs me to stay and I do because I guess I don't really have anywhere else to go and it would be very hard to support myself since I don't make much money. If you can do it maybe i can too, go to that first meeting, that is. I guess i should try. right.
Linda, I'm more terrified now of attending my second because I don't know how to control the tears. But yes, you can do it, I believe in you!! You are working on yourself all the way around and every inch gets you one step closer to success!
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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
I cried and cried and cried! I tried not to but I just could not stop. I did not say a thing for a good 6 months. I just listened and cried. I think this can be very common. I was in such a baaad place by the time I got to my first meeting. I was horrible and crazy. I was sooo depressed. I just cried so much. Just wanted you to know that its completely normal just like the people you saw, said. Just let it all out because that is sometimes what we have to do and its totally OK. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. Its just a purification- all those salty tears. Cleansing. Hugs, J.
Congratulations on your first meeting! It was a very hard step to make for me. I debated many weeks on going, but am glad I did. All the information and everything is overwhelming and that's normal. At one meeting we read the pamphlet "a merry go round called denial" and even though I had read it before, I had a very hard time rereading it and listening to members talk about their experiences. I have left meetings unsettled a few times and the last time when I told a member how 'unsettled' I felt she said to me "good, that means it got you thinking" and it did.
I hope you keep going to meetings. It can only get better for you.
