The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just got home a while ago..my a is getting on my nerves and i guess i on hers
anyway...to much to talk about...bullcrap all over the place
do i love her...do i want to be with her...am i sick of her...is she too needy...am i a creep
etc etc etc
i would like to lead a great..fantastic charismatic free life...can not do it the way i am living right now...certainly need more..much much more...more meetings...more serenity...more courage..grace compassion wisdom...way way way more wisdom
the ket to it all for me right now...where is the wisdom...where do i find it..nurture it love it
i am certainly sick of this relationship...or at least blabbing on about it...and i think that is a very very very great step for me
want to focus on what i need...who i am what i believe in..what i stand for and what i will not stand for
all in good time..progress...all in good progressive time
thank god i am still alive..have my health..my heart..my mind..most of the time..most of the time i say
the steps..even think i found a sposor in this program...that really should help me out a bunch
anyway..still looking for the dream...waiting for the dream to appear to me..maybe it has..maybe it hasn't...still just trying to live a free and unencombered life
Charles who are you? What do you like to do, what is your passion? Do you kayak? swim, hike, walk, do you like animals? Have you considered taking some classes in things you are into? That is a great way to find answers or even more questions.
I found I was not going to be able to sit still and find wisdom or grow. Had to go out and be uncomfortable at first, but dive into life.
I volunteered at the Humane Society, walked dogs taught them gentle obediance.
Walked all over the place,watched good movies. Some of those movies can surprisingly teach us some neat stuff.
Thinking about do I love or don't I love, is not going to answer your question hon. LIving life, taking care of you, getting involved, finding out who YOU are is when you will be able to be more stable and know your own emotions.
You may find you don't need anyone right now, or want anyone. You may find out you like the you, that has not been discovered yet.
I am so happy I found me Charles. Going back to college in my forties blew me away. I grew up so much, and found out there is Sooooo much to learn. So many neat things out there.
It is cool you are wanting wisdom. I promise you will find it when you take that step out there and look around.
Having the "wisdom to know the difference" was the part of the serenity prayer I couldn't wait to find either!
I found the answer to the question of how do I find it on page 156 of "Hope for Today" one of our al-anon daily readers.
"Wisdom means being patient with myself and others"....
"Wisdom means I know I can't live in isolation"...
"Wisdom means learning to mine the diamonds hidden in my problems"....
But most of all.....
"Wisdom is the Fruit of Working the Al-Anon Program".
And this is really true. The more I have put into this program, going to meetings, reading literature and working the steps the wisdom seems to be granted to me more and more.
Charles I was sick for a very long long time of the relationship before I was willing to do the work of program. I did not even become bored with the relationship then. It took a lot of work for me to detach and to want out. Detaching was huge for me because I was still very much looking for him to change. I know from recent interactions, today's 5:00 a.m call for example the A has not changed one bit I am sure. I know I have. I did not answer the call and immediately blocked the phone. I would have screamed and tantrumed before.
Now I merely go on with my life. I have no control over the A but I do have control over me. And I am worth controlling in a good way rather than being controlled by my cirumstances.
