The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Our meeting tonight was about changes. When it came my turn to talk, I was surprised at how I felt about this. I said even though I am devasted and miss the bf that I knew and loved more than anything, I don't miss the disease that has him now. And that surpisingly, I am welcoming the changes of the future. I am excited to start living for me and my son. After the meeting one of the girls pulled me aside (she is newly seperated too) and asked if I would like to hang out sometime. I couldn't believe it! Making friends is not one of the things that comes easy for me, and it was one of the things my bf used to hold over my head when he was in his "ism" (you don't have any friends ms louise, he would say), so I was kinda surprised she would want to hang out with me. I started crying on the way home, balling actually. Because I am starting to feel my growth happening and it feels good, but at the same time I am so very very sad because I wish we could have shared it together. I know that "my" ex (hard for me to type that yet) bf (not the diseased one) would have been really proud of me. I can say for a fact that I know he would be. And I am just sad becuase I can't share it with him. But I am growing for me and my son and I am going to have a really good life...even if it is without my partner, my it.
Awwww Mslouise...I know that feeling of letting go and that ache in the pit of my stomach while I was telling myself "don't turn around" "don't see if she is looking back." It hurts and changes at first are hard and then look at how hopeful you feel...awesome!! You are okay and you will continue to be okay and grow no matter what. That is one of the promises that came true for me the confidence from knowing I was okay and would continue to be okay.
Change is a great meeting topic. It no longer confuses me. There is so much help and I don't have to do this alone.
I don't miss the disease either. In fact there are days when I love my life. I never thought I would get there. My life is very very very difficult, I have significant challenges but it is much much better.
