The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
time for amends. time to clean up my side of the street....AGAIN.
I have been dating quite a bit. I suddenly realize that I have been dating as an attempt to erase my soon to be ex A husband. I have been using these men to try to forget about my ex A. Not working, of course.
I am not proud of this. I need to just stop and feel. I cried some today, about it. It was a relief in some ways to realize what the heck has been going on. How incredibly hurt I am and how much grieving I have to do. Shoot.
I thank my HP for showing me the truth. I thank you all for listening without judgement, only love, hugs, J.
Jean, if it's any consolation, I did relationships/dating for 14 long years after I left the AH because I didn't want to walk through the grief.
I finally got it, and I guess I am one slooooooow learner.
I think a part of why I was so profoundly affected when I found out last year that he had passed away was because that was the final closure on that marriage, even though we had been divorced since '89.
((((((hugs))))))
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Ya know Jean, you just made me feel ooddles better about not dating. I have dated here and there but no one is clicking. It occurs to me that I never wanted to be married to anyone other than my ex. Hard stuff to get by. much love to you sister...we will get thru this together....
Aloha Jean and thanks for the honesty. I needed to be needed and when the marriage to my first addict ended...I dated like a mad man until there came the alcoholic and that ended and then I dated like a mad man again needing to be needed until I learned the powerful lesson between love and need and I started learning how to love myself and not NEED another person, place or thing to verify me. Then I learned how to grieve my hurts and losses and celebrate the the consequences of learning how to accept myself warts and all and not need another person in the picture to complete myself esteem. Huge amends!!
You just got your electricity back and the lights and look what you find when you turn them on. Go girl....gooooo.
thanks you guys, you are the best. I had to move to Ohio to experience a hurricane after living in Hawaii for 4 years...that was why I had no electricity! I think this is all related/connected. Its a relief to see the light shining after being in the dark. Shoot, I crave the contact, though. Jerry, you are right on about how good it feels to be needed but its only a temporary stop gap to the larger issue of self esteem. I have been spending a lot of time with HP lately which has been helping quite a bit. Heck, it always does.
Also, I have been not behaving as I usually do. I have stopped myself from reacting a couple of times even though it would have felt so good to react! HA! See, for me, my reactions are usually based in some kind of punishment. when someone behaves badly I remove them from my life or withdraw from theirs and this is like punishing them. Instead of just accepting their behaviors as theirs and theirs alone. Nothing to do with me. Geez this stuff is HARD!
Thanks again everyone. One day at a time, that is all. Just one single day. Sometimes just one single minute. Hugs, J.
I dunno I dated a few people for a while. Then I realised I am not up to it. I don't think I owe anyone any amends about it. I didn't break anyone's heart and I was pretty responsible.
I know I have in the past dated plenty of people who were looking for a distracton from a divorced (in fact that was so common it was ubiquitous). I can't say I hold any of them as irresponsible either. At least they were honest about where they were at!
