The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in need of some advice/help. I was told about Alanon from a friend. I remember going to alateen when I was VERY young but I couldnt tell you what it was about or anything about it. I grew up with an alcoholic father who I was separated from at the age of 8 and got dropped off at his door step at 17. I quickly found out what a bad alcoholic he was and moved out. He died from alcohol poisoning soon after I turned 18. I met my husband during my short stay with my dad and we have been together for 13 years now and I see the same traits in him. I find myself covering for him, missing paying bills or putting them off cause he spent too much money on one of his binges, listening to the yelling and name calling when he is drunk, and even getting physical, not with me but with my things (my car, phone, walls, windows, ect.). He has been to rehab about 4 years ago for drugs and alcohol and everything was good for almost a year, now we're right back where we started, but without the drugs. Everyone says that I enable him, shoot I don't even know what that means. I feel like I am just stuck with no solutions. I know that this whole situation, over the past several years, has changed me and I don't even like the person I have become. I am always angry, depressed, and suspicious of everything and everyone. I have no trust in anyone and I don't know what to do. I almost feel bad for even writing this blog but I am just so lost. I love my husband with all my heart, I just don't know what to do and I want to fix the problem before it kills him too. If anyine has any suggestions, please respond.
Welcome to MIP and you are in the right place. There is alot of energy, strength and hope here for you as you will soon see from the replies you receive. We can't cause, control or cure their disease of alcoholism but we can have hope that al anon can help us to deal with many of the things we all live with. Alcoholism is a disease of the family so we get ill with many of the things you mentioned. I wanted to cover, protect, take care of and all those sort of things to show I care but I have learned to focus on myself with detachment from all the chaos of the A.
Try to find out if there are al anon meetings in your area and do attend some as they will be such a support to you. You can just listen and don't need to talk - after the meeting any questions you may have could be asked. I am so glad that you posted here and keep coming back. hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Alanon is the right place, those of us who live with aloholic family or friends have issues others couldn't imagine. We learn growing up to survive, once adults finding ourselves in that exact same situation brings us back home to a place where we so desperately seek calm, peace, answers, understanding.
I came to realize there was hope for me. My life wasn't over and I had options I hadn't even considered. Learning new ways to get YOUR emotions, mental health, well being and safety back is number one.
Find a meeting face to face in your area and take that first step to walk back in those doors. Just like you did as a child, we all start from the same place, we all seek the same answers what you will find here is what others before us found...hope, faith, strength, comfort and knowlege.
The meetings are free, the books can be loaned or borrowed, the pamphlets are yours to keep and read up from your first meeting.
One thing you said is true, they are going to drink....now it's time to find out what you plan to do.
Alanon is the right place, those of us who live with aloholic family or friends have issues others couldn't imagine. We learn growing up to survive, once adults finding ourselves in that exact same situation brings us back home to a place where we so desperately seek calm, peace, answers, understanding.
I came to realize there was hope for me. My life wasn't over and I had options I hadn't even considered. Learning new ways to get YOUR emotions, mental health, well being and safety back is number one.
Find a meeting face to face in your area and take that first step to walk back in those doors. Just like you did as a child, we all start from the same place, we all seek the same answers what you will find here is what others before us found...hope, faith, strength, comfort and knowlege.
The meetings are free, the books can be loaned or borrowed, the pamphlets are yours to keep and read up from your first meeting.
One thing you said is true, they are going to drink....now it's time to find out what you plan to do.
Welcome. I was thinking the best thing we can do for our A is to educate ourselves in Alanon and AA. Also for me, I delved into understanding addiction the best I could.
"Getting Them Sober." is a great book that can answer so many questions. Then to help you are books like," One Day at a Time, and the Courage to Change.
You have had a tough time. I hope you have friends and family besides your A.
we have meetings here at MIP and we also can pm and talk real time in the MIP chat room.
I hope you will find some things ya need here in MIP. Keep coming back.
Your post brought back tons of memories and with gratitude the time I spent sponsoring Alateen. What an awesome part of my recovery. Anyhow you are not there and the door of Al-Anon is open. Sorry about your Dad and you finding a replacement for him in your husband. I was also born and raised in the disease with every bit of the insanity that comes with it and I am so very grateful that I was led into the doors of Al-Anon myself. It saved my life and then little by little...my mind and then my spirit. It's soooo good to be alive today with all of the experiences and help I have received in this program. You can have that to. It doesn't depend on whether your alcoholic is drinking or not or just practicing being a jerk for no other reason than because it maybe for a time the only thing he can practice. (I once was told that a dry alcoholic is like taking the rum out of the fruit cake...you're still left with the fruit cake.) My alcoholic was part of the worse merry-go-round ride I ever was on. Just thinking about it after I learned how to jump off made me ill.
You've come full circle and the door is still open. Won't you come in?
Glad you found MIP and are a part of this family. Keep coming back.
Hi JK , well like everyone else has suggested keep going to meetings the more u can cram in a week the better u will feel , there is nothing u can do about him but alot u can do for yourself ,learn about the disease and how it has and is affecting your life , forget what u think u know about alcohlism and just listen . I feel that for me Al-Anon is the reason I was able to stay in my marriage like you i didnt want to leave either was just not an option for me. I learned here how to detach with love and respect from his prob and get my life back , learned to laugh again and enjoy my friends and family. Allow him the dignity to grow up stop covering up for his mistakes , stop paying his bills put your self on the priority list , your worth it . there is a page in our ODAT that changed my life it is on July 14 in Odat. do what it says to the best of your ability and life will begin to make sence again. and pick up a detachment pamphlet to go with it they work great together. There is always hope JK don't give up . Louise
Hi, everyone here has been right about where you're at right now at one point or another. The most important things I learned here are that I can't FIX anyone else, I either accept them as they are or I don't accept them and go in another direction. I loved my husband with all my heart too and I think everyone here loves their A with all their heart that's why we are so destroyed when things don't go the way we want them to, the way we think they should be, the way the sane world expects. I have learned so much here, I too felt that I didn't like who I was when I was with him. The only thing you can change is you just like he is the only one who can change himself. When we love someone else with our whole heart that doesn't leave any room for loving us. You have to take back some of your heart and give it to loving yourself first. Keep coming back, posting your feelings, this board saved my life and led me to become the person that I am today!
Yes, I would agree with all the posts, take care of you, you need to do that before you can proceed, you did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cant cure it either, I'll be thinking of you,
