The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you all for your prayers and concern for my dad. The doctors still are not sure what is wrong and are trying to do many tests to figure it out. His heart and blood pressure still are doing whatever they want yet at times he is stable. A lung speialist was called in since his chest muscles may be a part of the problem and he also suffers from old age parkinsons. My mom with alzheimers is very very confused and I wish I would just fly there. I am in ND and she is in AZ. My dad has asked me to fly there immediately if he should worsen to be with mom. He is a very controlling person and I have chosen to follow his wishes at this time. Our finances are also not so great with my being on disability. With the amount of batteries running his heart (triple pacemaker, a defibrulator and a mechanical heart valvle) he could survive a long time. So whether he lives or dies is only up to the machines and his HP. My daughter who is at the inpatient center has not called him yet. I am going to call the owner today and encourage him to talk to her and see if she could call. I am just concerned that if she doesn't that she may regret it later on if he does pass away. (my two kids are his only grandchildren). I know calling him could just be too stressfull or emotional for her right now. The family is not suppose to talk to her for about a week but they have let her call home to let us know if she needs us to bring anything there or if she needed medical information. When I dropped off some things on Thursday, I did see her and she gave me a big hug and kiss.
Now that she is inpatient,, I can see how my husband and I have been totally caught up in the disease and become as sick as it is. Some of you have tried to get this message to me but obviously we are only meant to see it when the time is right for us and when our HP permits. My daughter did go to her former addiction counselor and ask for help a week before we called the police on her. She said that the addiction counselor just must have not understood how she was asking for help. I think my daughter was not able to communicate to the one addiction counselor how bad she was. Thus, I see how she may have continued her drinking the next weekend as a means of reaching out for help. Does that make sense to anyone? So, I am thinking maybe some alcoholics are not able to seek or get the help they need on their own. Thus, as a friend of mine said,,,some alcoholics' bottoms are death. I hope she is doing this to save herself which we believe she is. I know the inpatient will not cure her disease. I just hope it will help her to stop drinking and get her to use the AA skills so she doesn't take that first drink.
IN the meantime, I am trying to take care of me. It is difficult to shake the worry and nervousness that has been in my body for so long, but with the 12 steps, I am trying. I was glad to read a post where the alanon's doctor prescibed an antianxiety med. because I have needed the use of the generic xanax recently too. Our bodies can only take so much of the alcoholic's behaviour and the disease so we need to seek the appropriate help too. I feel a person can also meditate etc. and not need medication but for me I am not at that point yet. I also have problems of my own which we all do. My body is still dependent on methadone but I am not an addict. I have chronic pain and a totally different battle than alcoholism. My doctors and I have chosen to keep me on a very small dose of methadone for now. An accupuncturist will be working with me to try and help me break the dependence. Thus, I have developed a new sense of empathy for drug addicts and alcoholics now that I know how my body reacted to not having it's fix. I feel so bad for them! It is a horrible disease but one that can be managed with the 12 steps and AA or NA once they detox if needed.
My medical doctors also know that I have this chatroom for support and they believe without it that I would be in the psychiatric ward due to my chronic depression! Without all of you I would not be writing this post today. Thanks again for your loving support! cdb
If you should do one thing today it is this; Think upon how strong you have been throughout all of this with your daughter....with your own illness; and now with your father and mother.
Life is not supposed to be easy is my belief. Everyone has struggles that they go through right? A's have their struggle with the disease. We carry the worry about our loved ones, regardless of the type of illness or problems they have. This is what we as human beings have in common, living life and living through whatever obstacles we have been given, no matter the reason.
To me every day has a lesson in it. This is our journey here. We all have different paths we are taking, but we each carry our own burdens. It is how we endure again & again that is the the true lesson. Its tough at times, with all we each face everyday. But we keep on going, this is what we do. Somedays we catch a glimpse of happiness, be it in a little child's spirit, and wonder of all that surrounds them, the newness of it all, or in our pets loving nature, no matter what is goin on. It is through a friend who makes us laugh, or a movie or book we encounter. It is these moments that give us the happiness we seek. In glimpses and moments of happiness we endure.
My point is this; not one of us is perfect, therefore our response to our problems will not be perfect. Do not second guess what steps you or anyone else could have taken. All is as it should be, and to berate ourselves, for shoulda, woulda, coulda's of the choices we made in the past is a waste of time and energy. Focus on today, the here and now. It is meant to be this way and is enfolding the way it should. Your post made me realize how strong we can be, and what we sometimes go through. I praise your strength, and it helps to know we are not alone in our problems.
thanks for sharing your life here. you have opened my eyes today.
WOW! When the student is ready the teacher will appear, eh? Sometimes, words with not do it when it compares to a hug and kiss from one’s child, you know. I take Vicodin everyday according to the level of pain while careful not let my body get used to it to where it lessens it effectiveness without a continual increase in the amount I take. I have no inclination to stop taking Vicodin and I am prone to abuse drugs like alcohol, pot, etc. as I have done for many, many years in the past. I do not do well with pain. Figures though, I got a lot of it. I surely am not noticing any eyes watching me or me feeling guilty about the use of the narcotic.
“IN the meantime, I am trying to take care of me.”… super, super, super!
I send you huggs in my thoughts often as you are often in my mind. It is often that I notice that we are often handed more on our plates that we can handle, many of us manage and many fall apart. You seem to be getting by and getting stronger everyday. I remember thinking one day that ok enough is enough! don't throw me anymore curve balls and let me deal with the here and now for a while and then when i have regained my strength i can maybe handle alittle more of what you have to offer me. Then i took a look back and realized that all i had endured in the past gave me bits of added strength to get through the next hurdle life would toss my way. At the time we may not realize it however once can stake that step back and notice all we are meant to, this lightbulb goes off in us and we can fianlly say wow so all this happened for a reason! wow!
You have had that chance to say ok now i know now, i get it. I am glad you are there and noticed that with your daughter. I hope that it allowed some weight to be lifted from your shoulders.
I will continue to pray for your family and keep you in my thoughts.
you have opened my eyes today.
