The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
oh my god..my a is crazy..she is so out of it sometimes it is amazing..she aient drinking or drugging and seems to be being productive since she got back from where she was but she is a mess
she knows i am not in love with her...and even thinks there is no future with us...and she knows she really did go over board on a lot of her stuff with my family...bad phone calls..texts..etc
anyway..i am proud that she is trying to do the right thing and i am being as supportive as possible but she does still..at times drive me crazy
maybe i deserve it..it just gets to be to much..to many phone calls and the emotional baggage becomes just to much
the back and forth do you love me...we are not right for each other etc etc
i am to blame obviously because i still play the game and i still deal with it cause not all of it is bad..there are some nice parts
she took me out to dinner...cut my hair and we had coffe this morning and it was nice..but sometimes i get the feeling we are two needy people using and needing each other...and some times it just aient very adult like
i love her and care about her...and at times do not want to see her go...but damn..i really do get on over load with her a lot and there are so many fish in the sea
anyway..i guess i just needed to rant and rave a bit
i give her credit for what she is doing right now...trying..or actually i think she did find a job..but i am thouroughly exhausted and even she said today that the damage done may simply have been to much to recuperate from...and i tend to agree but there is always forgivenss and healing to be done
anyway..i love her a lot..i hope things can get better peace
((charlescharles)) your doing great! keep workin on your program. )) it does work. i wanted all the problems, the tediousness and confusion of conversation to stop "now" or even yesterday (lol.) Today i find myself asking .... how important is it? Is it worth my serenity?.. most times its not. it wasnt. though, sometimes easier to accept hearing it from someone else. that things will begin to change and you will begin to see the difference in your "self" and of those around you. AS you work the steps and begin to use the slogans and keepin yourself with the positive thoughts... you will begin to see change. i love (the the serenity prayer.. slogans seem to fit in most all situatin too) being around other people in the program cause sometimes just a mind~set of "Letting Go and Letting God" is all it takes to begin to see the lil' miracles that come from being in a better place in your head. If you see your taking back something you have turned over to god/hp.. just give it back to hp:)) hp will take it and take it and change it eventually. keepthe faith. its worth all the time and the effort to try.
WoRKIT WOrkIT Your SOoooo Worth IT:)) from .. "a work in progress" too:))
No one deserves to be treated badly, abused, manipulated, jerked around emotionally, et cetera, all of the lovely lil games they play.
I do know how hard it is to disentangel yourself from an A. I have been obsessed with more than one in my life. I had an A b/f that I couldn't get out of my head, stop calling or doing the drive-by, isn't that called stalking for 4 years. He would go into a rehab and then not want to see me when he came out, fearing that I would remind him of "fun" he could no longer have. People, places & things. I knew I could help him and support him in recovery but he never got to know that side of me. I was desperate to help him. But the truh is that isn't our job.
Just like an A has to work their own program in recovery, so too, do we need to focus on ourselves, determine our own worth, establish healthy boundaries, so that we can have healthy relationships.
As far as having your eyes wide open and knowing that you are both using each other, that is a choice that you can decide to make or not. Maybe this is good for your awareness to see how codependent you can be with another. I know that I have acted codependently on many. If I am not working diligently to be healthy, I will quickly, easyily, subconsciously slip into old behavioral patterns.
I can't blame them for how I act, then I'd be just like an A. I have to take responsibility for my participation in my affairs.
I wanted to tell you, you do not deserve mistreatment, no one does. You can implement changes, if that is what you decide. In the past I ended up creating boundaries that would end up weeding out the A's in my life. Now my only A's are family.
I also piques my ears when you said, "I am thoroughly exhausted." When I obsess, I become exhausted too. It is great to have love for others but have love for yourself. I was very self-destructive and down right cruel to me. I would punish myself by taking out pain and anger on myself, in every way imaginable. I now try to be caustious with myself, gentle and kind. I take my needs and wants into consideration. Loving myself is very new, I've been actively working at it for 2 years now. I need the grounding and support of this program to be able to do it.
Like you said there are so many fish in the sea. Dating ought to be light and fun. These heavy relationships really take a toll on us. Think about what you really want to have in your life, it can become a realtiy.
Hang in there, you are not alone.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I thnk when i got detached I was much less invested in what the A did and didn't do. I also made a plan be. Then my focus was much much less on how crazy he was and how focused I was.
Obviously as I was here for years I did not give up the A for a long long time but when I got busy with my own life I stopped talking about the A so much.
Charles, It helps to know your part in this crazy relationship. And you do.
I, too, am acutely aware of one character defect of mine lately, and I share your frustration. I pray for HP to remove it, but when I find myself back in the situation, my ego is fed enormously when I go back to the behavior. So, I'm hanging in there, right with you.
((((hugs))))
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
)) it does work.