The material presented
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The last few weeks have been really tough. I finally understand that I matter, and my son matters, enough to create a boundary for my AH. My boundary was that I didnt want to live with AH if he continued to drink and be drunk in our home.
My AH "moved out" and has been gone now for 3 days. I dont know where he is staying, he has no drivers license, no car etc. He just walked into town without any spare clothes or anything.
Today I came home from work, and he was in the house with an empty bottle of vodka in the living room. Once he realized I was home, he "moved out" again. And left the house totally under the influence. He could barely walk, but left anyway.
I feel very concerned for his safety. I'm worried that I'll get a call from the Police or Hospital and that it will be terrible news. I'm trying not to obsess. I'm trying to remind myself I'm powerless. I'm hoping that his HP is watching over him. But this is really hard.
Not sure what to do, I dont want him to keep coming back whenever he feels like it, but if I prevent it (ie change the locks etc.) I think he will become aggressive and make life even more miserable for my son and I.
Just wanted to share what's going on. Any words of wisdom are appreciated.
That is what some of us call projecting (into the future). Projecting is a waste of time for me because I am really not a fortune teller and never ever was good at it. In program I learned to accept that "I could be wrong" and most of the time was when I compared the actual outcome to what I thought might happen. Often times there was no "other shoe drop" and I had projected and waited for nothing.
I like the part where you let him go and let God have him and then take your hands completely off with faith that what ever happens (I never know what that is) is for the best of all involved. If I focus on today and what I need to do for my recovery for today and "Abandon myself to God as I understand God..." I have no need to fortell the future. I am right in the present.
His Higher Power will never do for him that which he can/must do for himself. If he surrenders and stops the run and turns his mind, body, spirit and emotions (wow...just had an earthquake here. Don't thinks it's my reply)LOL over to a power he understands is greater than himself and his alcohol, changes will happen as you know. So why don't we pray for that meeting to happen as soon as possible. I don't need to know the alcoholic's name to make the prayer list. It's an anonymous list.
Keep coming back and taking care of yourself. (((((hugs)))))
De Javu for me reading your post . I will keep it short and to the point . After leaving our home my husb returned to our house every day I didn't know that as our sons chose to not tell me he was there . After a few months I gathered up my husb things and took them to his office , I took one look at him and knew that he was drinking again . he had left our home sober . His skin was the the color of concrete , his liver was swollen and he had lost alot of weight . I returned home and called an AA friend and said that I had to bring him back home or he was going to die alone and I didn't want that for him . My friend reminded me that I could bring him home and save him one more time or leave him where he was and maybe he wouldn't . I knew I could not live with active alcoholism again so I chose to leave him where he was , allowing him the dignity to live or die the way he chose is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life . as u have said He too had a Higher Power who would take him where he needed to go . My husb did not die he chose to try sober , he said that drinking was killing him too slowly and it was painful he decided to try sober. that was 20 yrs ago last week . Pray and u will find the answers for yourself in this trying time , u do what u have to do , if it's bring him home thats ok too I will be thinking of you and your husb . Just do what is right for you . Please if you are not already attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself -- go u are going to need support from people who understand where your at and will help u thur this trying time . Louise
I've been there as well. I made A leave at one point. He was over at his friend's house from rehab. I didn't know what he was doing (although I had a good guess). I had to turn him over to his HP and let the chips fall where they may. It was hard, but everyday I would get up and say: "Okay HP he's in your hands now." That was the only way I could get on with my life. I needed the serenity. While he was pretty much a quiet drunk, there was still chaos in the house. He did get sober and stayed that way for over a year. I couldn't have made the decision to let him go without my program. The night I told him to leave, I came right here into the chat room. They saw me through a really hard time. Having a program and the support is so important. I can't stress this enough. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you all for your responses. This is just what I needed to read today. I was able to get some sleep last night and feel grateful for a new day. Jerry thank you for reminding me about projecting. I do that a lot and it makes me even more crazy. Louise, thanks for reminding me about allowing him the dignity to live or die as he chooses. I agree that this is very hard, but not my right to intervene - There is a God, I am not he. Karilynn, thank you for reminding me to turn him over to his HP every day and to ask for help in my program. Please know that I am so grateful for the service work each of you do here - thank you again. Rocky.
