Would like some advice - Al-Anon Family Group

Aljani · Newbie

Would like some advice

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP.
I am so sad to hear of your situation. Sadly the addict disease gets so much worse over time. You are seeing the progression of the disease, it will get worse.

What many people do is protect themselves and their children by working towards not depending on their A for anything. The reason being they are a very very sick person.

Of course he loves you and you love him. He is not himself anymore, the disease has control over him.

I have to be blunt for the protection of you and your unborn child. When A's get worse especially, they will do things they would not ordinarily do. Dope including alcohol, lowers their ability to not act on impulse.

I would always use protection if you are still intimate. Always. The element they go into can be very very bad.

There are Alanon meetings everywhere. Some have childcare.However it is worth finding someone to watch your kids if they don't offer it.If you look above in the facts post it will help you find a face to face meeting.

There are also meetings here in the MIP chat room, you can also go into the chat room when there is not a meeting, and get help.We can private message with you in real time and or by email.

Above you will see Canadian Guy, aka,Tom is giving away a GREAT book that is my alanon Bible. it will answer all your questions.

There is no figuring out why the A does what he does. Becuz it is insanity pure and simple. His brain is not working right.

I hope you keep coming back. much love, hugs,debilyn

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to Miracles in Progress and congradulations on reaching out for help. We here (al-anons) understand like others cannot as we have been through similar situations with the A's in our lives. I'm ACOA & grew up in it (adult child of addict/alkie).

You can go to www.al-anon.alateen.org to find local meetings in your aread or in the phone book. As Debilyn said, we have 2 on line daily meetings in the chat room & 24/7 chat, so you can talk to another person that understand or relates any time. If no one is there, just wait a few minutes, ppl come in & out constantly.

When you get to a meeting, pick up a beginner's packet of pamphlets and any others you can, study & read them, apply the info to your situation. The 2 pamphlets that have helped me the most are called: A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic and The Merry Go Round Called Denial. They explain how our actions could actually be making the situation worse and how we get all mixed up & confused with the emotions all enmeshed in the family.

This disease is progressive, baflling, insidious. Learn all you can about how you can protect yourself and what changes you can make. There are even alateen & alatot for kids.

I really feel for you. I've seen this disease lead to cheatting, gambling, death (of a pet), accidents, heart disease in my own parent's marriage, not to mention what all I've been through in my own relationships/divorce and suicide attempts.

When I got to alanon I thought everything was my fault & I was responsibile for others. We all make our own choices and I can't control anyone but myself. We speak of the 3C's here: You didn't cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it.

It can get better and there is hope. Reading old posts, sharing, responding, going to chat room & online meetings has been a god send for me... this is a fantastic resource/forum to have available.

Good luck & hang in there.
A friend in recovery, -kitty

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Welcome to MIP. I found this board several years ago when I was feeling as lost and confused as you are. I got a lot of comfort from knowing that I wasn't alone. I somehow felt ashamed of what was happening in my life and it led to a lot of isolation for me. After a while, I started going to face-to-face Al-Anon meetings. This really helped me as I didnt know back then, but I was about to go on a very long journey. By journey, I mean that there was a lot more to unfold due to the disease of alcoholism. There were (and still are) a lot of forks in the road where I needed a way to think about the right thing to do. Being involved in Al-Anon has given me the support to keep travelling this journey, the tools to help inform my choices and a little sense of stability. I hope you keep posting to this forum and find a face-to-face Al-Anon meeting. The best way to travel the journey well, is to keep yourself as strong as you can be. Please look after yourself and keep coming back.

Regards, Rocky

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP (((((((((((Aljani))))))))))))) <--hugs,

Wow, you certainly have a lot on your plate just with each individual issue to say nothing of all of it on top of alcoholism.

This board is amazing, however, please get to a face to face meeting right away. There may be some in your area where you can bring your children. Al-anon suggests that you attend at least 6 different meetings to find one that is right for you and that you not make any decisions (unless safety is involved) for at least six months. This is just a suggestion not requirements.

You will benefit by the collective support of a lot of people who are/have dealing with your husband's alcoholism and will find some really good friends who understand along the way.

Check out our Frequently Asked Questions at the top of this board for additional information.

Keep coming,
yours in recovery,
Maria

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome!
Easy does it!
Some of us have been where you are. I can't relate to the children
issues but I do have a bunch of family who are struggling with
teenagers.
I hope your daughter can get better if the surgery is possible, let
us know.
As far as your AH, we can't tell you whether to leave or stay with him.
All we can do is give our experience, strength and hope.
My experience is this, I have been married for a little over 9 years.
My husband went out on a crazy rampage and almost lost his life.
He wasn't out there for very long. But, today he is sober almost 2 years
& is doing quite well...but we had to live apart for almost the whole
2 years. We never totally got divorced or anything but I really stayed
with him through the whole ordeal.
You do what is best for you. Right now things look very bleak but
hang in there it will get better. I know. I don't know what you believe
as far as a HP goes, but I believe God is doing what we cannot do
for ourselves. Hold on to that thought if you are able.
And, take what you like & leave the rest of what I just shared with
you. I definitely don't have all the answers.
In recovery,
Kathleen

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.