The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just abit restless tonight..thinking about what i can do to make my life the best i can...trying to find some self love here..where i put my wants and needs before the others..and do what i need to do to get the ball rolling in my own life
not having to worry or take care of the other..making it so they can deal with what they need to deal with while i deal with what i need to deal with
a co dependency challenge i guess
boundaries deffinitely work...walls work also..but beyond that..what is it that i need to do for myself to make my days and nights the best they can be
just questions right now..looking into the future but remaining in the moment..remaining in the day
In many ways that is the question I keep returning to now and again but I didn't think about it until your post
At first I could only concentrate on detachment then I'd try to focus on myself at the same time.
Ok sleep, eat, boundaries but what did I want to do tried some which did or did not work for me back to what will make this good or better
try something and then when I really liked it, trying to do it often at least a little was enough to just try to make this wonderful new thing become an automatic behavior
always learning, always have something that needs to be different or try again so back to how do I want to live this good life
the choices are unending, the possibilities endless a work in progress.......... that is for sure!! and ODAT too.
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Take Care of My physical self--get enough sleep, food, exercise
Take Care of my spiritual self--spend time with my HP
Take Care of my emotional self--get outside help (counseling) when needed
Take Care of Others--get into service work and get out of my own head. When I got busy, I got better--just like the Al-Anon book's title says.
If I do all of that, I am keeping the focus on me and not the A (or others) and things just seem to fall into place and I am better able to deal with things when they don't.
I also try to work the Steps and Traditions "in all my affairs." Take a daily inventory, make amends when necessary and let go of the day without guilt or shame. That's the goal. Some days I do a better job than others, but it sure is a lot better than how I was living before I found Al-Anon
Have a wonderful evening!!
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Hi. I appreciate your question because I ask it alot of myself, or, moreso; what makes a good person. I am interested in being a good person, but I often wonder what that means exactly. I think to live a good life, you have to be a good person. When I am old and gray, I want to know that I have righted wrongs and performed to the best of my ability. I never want to stop learning. I am really a hippie at heart, and feel it's very important to consider the impact your life makes against a community or environment. Right now I don't think I'm a very good person. I have too much disequilibrium in my life. Hopefully later I will have time to smooth out the edges. Thanks
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Hmmm... I think, for me, it boils down to doing things for the right reasons, and I try to use the tools I've learned in Al-Anon to do this.... We can't tie our "good behaviors" to expectations of rewards for these behaviors..... In my experience, I feel better about doing something "right" (as in, internally right), than I feel about somebody thanking me for a nice gesture. The old adage of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is a good reminder for us all to treat others, as we want to be treated..... Sometimes it's difficult not to tie expectations and conditions on such things....
I ran across a funny quote - perhaps from someone on MIP - that made me smile, with respect to this subject:
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly, because you are a good person, is a little like expecting the bull to not attack you, because you are a vegetarian." - Dennis Wholey
There is a wonderful little poem entitled "Anyway", that seems to sum up my sentiment on this one....
Anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, they may cheat you; Be forthright anyway. What you spent years building, they may destroy overnight; Build anyway. The good you do today, they often will forget tomorrow Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it will never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God (your HP); It was never between you and them, Anyway.
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Good post. Lots of good replies to. I can't say at this moment in my life I am living a good life. It's hard being a widow, but I know I will get through it.
Having said that, hubby always said to me: "If you have really laughed once in your life, then you've had a good life." So I try and laugh everyday, especially at the small stuff.
I remember when A was drinking and I had asked him to leave. It was the hardest thing I had to do. I didn't think I could get through it. But I did. I remember it was not only the love of my Alanon family that helped me, but seeing the small things too. Yesterday as I was walking home, a chipmunk crossed my path. But it couldn't make up it's mind if it wanted to cross in front of me, or go back to the woods. I stood there looking at it, and it was looking at me rather confused. I finally told it "If Pipers Kitty were here, you wouldn't be so hesistant!" It ran away. It put a smile on my face.
I guess living a good life, means taking care of you first. Not forgetting the small things that make you happy. Certainly working your program is a plus. Taking care of yourself physically is important too. I know we tend to neglect that side of ourselves (at least I do) under times of stress. It's being able to say NO when we need to and when we want to without feeling guilty about it. It's about not apologizing for how we are feeling at this moment in time. It's treating people with kindness and respect and realizing that they may be sick too. It's doing the best we can at this moment and time. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
It put a smile on my face. 