The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You had a horrendous trip with that driver, debilyn and thank hp that you knew there was an end to it when the trip was over.
Myself, I was crazy before I ever got to al anon but I had already been to an OP anxiety clinic, coerced to go or told I would get worse and end up in IP mental break down. Things went along ok for awhile after the OP clinic but I was still in denial that I was dealing with an AH and living in insanity. After some family chaos one evening which led to me being my most craziest, I finally realized I had to do something or an IP mental health was right around the corner. The only thing I hadn't tried was al anon so I went.....
Now I have a lot to learn yet but already I am amazed at how things have changed, not how I would have thought but manageable. AH is still in denial but less quanity and less times of chaotic behavior. Before my mom passed away this past summer she could see how over the past year, our 4 kids and I were doing so much better which is a relief for me. I still have many concerns about AH who is functional, not violent but all the isms,some verbal/emotional abuse and lack of emotional support etc etc plus the future of A medical conditions that may come along unless there is a big change.
I guess I was just in the mood to state that for some, the choice can work to focus on my sanity even if at times it can be insanity around here........I've learned to walk away and stay out of it more so today it works for me. Having a plan B, saving some money etc puts me in a much better place of confidence if an urgent decision to leave had to be made and compared to before al anon, I felt trapped, too crazy to see any choices other than pain, fear, chaos.
This has been good for me to review for me tonight. Thanks for your post and may you never have a ride like that again. hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
D I too feel for you, and pray you NEVER go through anything like that before.
I was a battered wife, emotional, mental and physically and possibly did stay in the situation far too long because I knew no way to get out of it and had no support, no financial reserve, no family or friends and not the least idea of what help I could seek. That is why I am probably so fragile and my body and mind has taken such a battering over all those years of living with abuse and violence and uncertainty and being cut off, controlled and imprisoned.
If only I had known what I know now, but I did not and so I did the best I could with what I had at the time. There is so much more information, knowledge and resources available now that I think I really would have acted earlier and differently now, but it is no good going there. All I can so that is why I am still a screwed up, messed up, wounded individual. However, here I am and this family is my lifebelt and my lifeboat too. LOL
God Bless you D, you really are a very special lady. Take care.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
I was sitting in my meeting tonight and the guy before me said " I just look around and feel sorry for those of you who are still with your A. It's like you are on lifesupport. Recovery is so much easier once you leave the A." He said some other stuff but this part really stood out for me. I spoke right after him and I said "I don't know if I agree with that statement. When I was with my A my recovery was so much easier! It was after we were thru and I actually had no one to focus on besides myself that my recovery came to a standstill." And that is so true.
I don't live with active alcoholism anymore and I never will again. My ex was every kind of abusive and I will never live with that again either. Lesson learned. I just may be alone for the rest of my life, but alone is far better than abused. I get lonley, I get down and sad but even at my lowest I am still miles above where I used to be. Thank God for this program and for you Debilyn
