The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Carving out times for ourselves is important. But sometimes I feel like I have to carve out a LOT of it for just me--it sometimes feels like there's not enough room for me and this disease in my life. I can get budged out so quickly! So, I always feel this pull.... Like sometimes I isolate, wtihout meaning to. Sometimes, I intentionally isolate. Spending all this time on recovery, then I think I would be doing "Other" things... like being a better daughter, citizen, Mom, (_________). (can never be enough?)
Oh, I don't know, keep praying it will all fall into balance someday, and feel OK. Any thoughts on this topic? :coffee:
What I thought of was..."It takes what it takes". Yeah, I too often feel that I spend way too much time on recovery, oughta be doing this or that instead, etc etc. But then I have to ask myself...am I not getting better gradually? Has my attitude not improved? Am I not more serene now? I think overall that there has been improvement, and yes I sure have been way selfish with my time, but what I see is that this selfishness has helped me to become a better person who is able to deal better with the stresses of living with an A. As I improve, then I am able to begin to start looking at all those things I "should" be doing and begin doing them slowly. Finding balance...well I started off on one side of the pendulum swing, doing all this stuff for others and letting my mental well-being (and physical) slide. Then I swung all the way over to the other side and started doing just for me. Now I'm beginning to see the mid-way mark, that finding balance between the two where it is calm and serene, rather than a wild swinging back and forth. Not quite there yet, still got a gentle sway going, but that's okay. It takes what it takes, and I'm worth it! My family is worth it too, cause boy oh boy, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! LOL So this mama is taking her time, and in doing so I'm able to be a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, etc.
Great topic! Thanks!
Luv, Kis
__________________
Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Thanks for posting. As I progress with my own recovery, I've learned not to be so judgemental towards myself and others. Kismet said it perfectly -- it takes what it takes. When I first joined Alanon I totally emersed myself in the program. I couldn't get enough. Sure, others told me how selfish I was, mainly my husband. But, I thought, hey, I've dedicated over a decade to the disease of alcoholism, perhaps it was time to put all the focus on myself for once. You know what, after about a year, I didn't need to give it so much time and attention. I still attend meetings, participate online as I have time and read as many spiritual and recovery books as I can. But, I also find support in other areas, where at first I only felt supported by Alanon.
Today, I feel more in balance. I'm sure glad I never took on the judgements made by others that I was being selfish or I might not be where I am today. I'm very grateful that my HP gave me the focus and courage to continue along the path that was right for me then and is still right for me today.
These days, when I face more difficult challenges, I tend to spend more time with Alanon. That's just the way it is for me and I'm very thankful I have that support available to me. I'm a healthier mom, daughter, volunteer and friend for it.
Boy I just went through HUGE shame issues on this topic. I feel like I owe a huge debt to recovery but I have a job that barely allows enough time for my own forward movement. I barely get to enough meetings and am lucky to chair one meeting a month. This doesn't sound real deep but if I look at the things that stir my gut with shame the most this is it. The longer I'm in recovery the worse this gets
I have a constant disatisfaction with ME, my job, my education, my home etc etc. and how they all interfere with all the stuff I SHOULD be doing. I pull out of these sometimes after a deep dive and other times it just bounces off me. This week was pretty deep before i realized I'd worked through this before.
What helped me was realizing that this relief God gives us for the asking is a free gift. It has no strings attached. You don't here about this much but God loves us that much that no obligations are incurred. This has been a source of theological arguments for hundreds of years but after all the religous control freaks get thru all their own agendas they come to agree ... Yes God loves us THAT much.
Right now in this moment I feel that me time is so important that i need it and use my time for me. At times it is good and yes there are times when i need to step back and say ok thats enough. I try to manage my time in a way that my kids do not suffer from it. I feel they loose out with their dad enough that i give them all i can but make time for me everyday or i would go insane lol.
The first week and a bit i was here at the forum or in the chat non stop! I needed it i still do. I know that i would have told my a "thats it i'm done" but i am giving the program my 6 months giving me, the program and him 6 months before i make any decissions.
If i did not sumberge myself into this and take me time i would be humpy dumpty who fell of that wall.
I hope you don't feel guilt for your time we all need me time.
I am just an ex-abuser of drugs like alcohol, etc talking. You see when I was in my drug(s) all I needed in my life was that, that, which served my drug usage including people like you. There was no room for ‘you’ as a person, just your serving of me. With you being the shoe on the other foot… If I could not have room for you, how could you have room for my all encompassing ways? I bet it is your “heart”, which is your God, is telling to take a lot of self-interest in you, a lot. See, that is not being selfish, that is being real and true to God, to Love.
WOW Richard...You are so Right On.... That feeling of Never Enough...comes from all that. My spouse wanted to be the King in the chair...and served dinner there. He was trying to be King. And it began and became an enmeshment...instead of a normal marriage. So yeah...we haven't had a "normal" marriage in a long, long time... So yeah, I now can see the uneasy feelings I feel about carving out "MY" time.
I still want hours away from him, because I do not want the enmeshment. (He is still working on his "isms" and he still likes to take credit for everything if he can get it! Thanks for this Post!
