The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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GRRRRR!! I am so angry and so frustrated right now. I am trying to get myself a car. In my earlier posts I mentioned that I have a brand new jeep, abf pays for this vehicle...its a lease, so the registration is in the name of the bank. I drive it...after July 4th, he has never driven it again. I have told him that I no longer want to drive the jeep as I dont feel comfortable depending on him to pay for this vehicle. He does not stay sober for more than a couple of weeks at a time and has no problem drinking and driving...his own car, not mine. I have explained to him that this is a concern of my as if he gets involved in an accident, or caught oui, the loan will not be paid and I will be without a vehicle, as I am not in a financial position to pay for it myself. We have the money right now between us for me to get something affordable and reliable. He wants to buy a nice big gas guzzling pickup truck for himself, I think he should just drive the jeep. But he doesnt want a jeep (insert whine here). I dont feel that I am being unfair or unreasonable. Its a BRAND NEW JEEP...3300 miles on it, not a scratch not a ding and complete with a lifetime powertrain warranty....he is already paying for it. He is totally refusing to see my point or understand my concern about MY safety, MY well being and MY peace of mind....he just doesnt want a jeep, he wants his p/u truck...Sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent and maybe someone has some input here for me....I feel like I am beating a dead horse with him. First he says yeah ok, we'll get what you want, and then it becomes another battle and he starts huffing and puffing and we start this all over again......YIKES! I cant deal anymore. seeking peace, jeannie
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
When we allow someone to have control over our lives, there are consequences.
I found I had to get complete control back. I had my name on everything, my own vehicle, house, moneys period.
I believe to put our lives in a very sick persons hands can only be a very very bad thing.Dangerous.
Have known women who had to beg for food money! One gal needed food while he bought a motorcycle only to lose his job years later and lose everything.
She was strong thru it all, got a job and supported her and her child.
NO advice. My feeling is to NEVER put my life in anyones hands but me I do not want anyone making MY decisions.
If a person wants to make their own decisions and control their own destiny, they must take steps to do that. I can tell you,it is freeing and so wonderful.
I think I agree with Christie I've had serious car issues with AH. I had to let stuff sit in a pot and cook for a long time untill it could work out for me. He has an old, gas guzzling clunker that doesn't even run, he wont sell it, hasn't worked on it in forever. He has another car that he is letting go untill it gets to be in the same shape as the clunker. I can't get him to do anything with theese cars, it is very frustrating, as much a source of our dissolution than anything else.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Maybe its time for a plan be. I know when I make a plan be all the frustration seems to ebb away.
A plan be doesn't necessarily have to be about how you will leave the A. I am currently in a plan be of what can I do for myself right now. I am making one for3 months.
You can make a plan be of what you can do if and when (or if ever) the A gets in a dui and what you need to do to get more self reliant. Take it slow, take it easy on yourself.
Arguing with an A isn't much of an opportunity is it. They seem to always need it to be their own way. Taking back my power was hard work but I have it back now and I can tell you it is very much worth it.
Stop arguing and start planning. oh and get busy. Maresie
I can see why you think your plan of him driving the jeep would be the perfect solution, but there it is - we can't control other people, and he doesn't want to do this.
You can bang your head against this wall, or you can put that energy into getting you what you want - a vehicle that does not depend on his sobriety and financial support.
When you stop focusing on what you can't get - him doing what you want - you will probably see a few different paths toward getting what you need. Offhand,I'd say let him continue to pay for the jeep while you save money as hard as you can, so that if he does fall down on the payments and it gets repossessed, you have money of your own that you can use to get yourself transportation. However, I'm not there, and I'm not you - that might not be the best way for you. I know that if you look without falling into the either/or trap, though, you'll come up with a good plan B that works for you.
