The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Come to realise that I have a real HUGE problem with weekends.
If I can get out and if I can make it to church, I manage - well sort of. I meet people, I mix and have a cup of tea or coffee and a chat. and then walk home to an empty home and just do not feel encouraged to cook a Sunday dinner like I used to do when I had children at home with me.
If I do not get out or cannot make it to church, like I am not able to do at this time because of my recent accident I DON'T manage at all.
I have all these plans racing around my head and there are so many things I would like to be able to get on with and do and I just cannot. Really, I cannot - it is not a question of will not - I have to be realistic and accept that I cannot do these things right now.
Since I live on my own and my family are spread across the country and I have not been able to go out to work for the last eight years, this situation is getting me down more and more each weekend that comes around.
My gratitude list has to keep me going for during the week immediately after my accident I was looked in on each day and most days three times. The second week, last week, I got three visits for the whole week and that was difficult to cope with.
Each night I am alone and it is becoming a real struggle to get myself going and get to bed a a reasonable time so that I start my day early the next morning.
Then I have to get myself motiviated 'cos each day seems like a nothing day.
I have writers block right now, so I am not able to get on with writing my book. I have painters block too as I just do not feel inspired to paint and each time I have tried over the last six months nothing seems to work out.
My garden is huge amd far too big for me to attempt right now and I have to accept that - even my doctor has told me not to even attempt much gardening. When it is dry and my back and limbs are feeling manageable I get out and do a little weeding and deadheading of flower blooms but that is as far as it goes; I have to rely on asking for help with the cutting of the lawns and the cutting of the hedges. If my fanances were better I would willing pay someone to come over once a week to do this for me.
Some days I find it difficult to even go make a cup of tea and standing to wash the dish when I have managed to make a meal is excruciating and I have to go and take it in five minute slots, sitting down in between.
Last night I decided that, if I was careful, I could iron whilst watching a DVD. Well, I got as far as getting out the ironing board, and the iron and gathering my laundry, well some of it from the clothes maidens that it was drying on...no I do not have a dryer...and I am not strong enough to hang out the washing when it is fine anyway at this time so I have to hang it in doors and it takes days to dry.
By the time I had done that I was utterly exhausted and I sat down feeling utterly fed up with myself and worn out. Just doing the laundry, emptying the rubbish and doing the recycling and putting away the shopping that a friend did on Friday night was all I got through yesterday apart from getting the ironing board set up.
Today, just showering, dressing, getting myself breakfast and stacking the dishes from the last TWO days and sorting through my mail that I had not even got to since Friday has taken me 'til lunch time and I feel wiped out yet again.
I saw noone yesterday and I will see noone today as I just have not got the energy to walk to church. The thought of spending another weekend like this brings me down and so by Monday morning it is a real struggle to get myself motivated.
My friends, who I may see during the week are busy and quite rightly with their families...and it is then that I feel the loneliness so much...my family member either don't care about me enough to include me in their lives or are just too far away and I have not hope of moving nearer to them because of my limited financial situation and ill health that other counties would not take me on.
I might as well be living in solitary confinement, well, that is what it feel like I am doing right now as I have no mean to go out and nowhere to go to be with others. Joining groups is NOT an option right now and my doctor tells me I just have to be patient with myself.
I hate weekends, and each week I try my best to work out a plan to be busy so that I don't notice the weekends, if I could get out into the countryside that is so close to me I would...but I don't have the transport - it is 10-15minutes drive away - and I don't have the energy to walk that far to get there first either.
Weekends are so lonely and as the years go by they get worse for me. I have been living on my own now since my divorce for 18 years and you would think I am used to it. Since my ill health began 8 years ago, and my financial status has been reduced so heavily it has got almost unbearable and I just do not know what to do to make it easier. I am a doer who has been stopped in her tracks, I am a socialble person who has been put into solitary confinement and I HATE IT.
Today, I need to just let someone know how I feel about the worst parts of my week. Thank you for listening.
Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
I wanted to let you know that I can relate. Your injury will take some time to heal and it will get better. The gratitude list has helped me. I hate to be alone and I remember all of those weekends. Lots of weekends I didn't see anyone and felt abandoned and like noone cared. The truth is they do care, but are so busy with their own lives.
I am still struggling with the fact that my side of the family lives overseas and it hurts to see friends have their families around, but at the same time I am thankful for them. I am thrilled to have my mom here soon for a few weeks. It means the world to me.
I do care about you like everyone here on this board. It will get better, it always does. :)
I have been alone going on 3 1/2 years. It is getting better. I know alot of women will tolerate anything rather than be alone. They seem so shocked when I say I am alone and my AHsober doesn't visit. How do you do it? One day at a time. Weekends are difficult. Our neighborhood vacates on weekends with everybody going to town. I work on it every weekend. So I go to town more. I call everybody if it starts to get to me. I work in my office to catch up. I think of a project at home to get done (clean out a drawer, pay the bills, write a letter). I have read that if you are lonely that you are not connected to the universe or you HP.
And sometimes I sink and just give in to it. Hang in there. Some time it's one minute at a time.
Suzannah, have you spoken to someone at your church about some of this? I bet there are all kinds of people who would not mind in the least stopping by and giving you a ride. Same with alanon meetings - call the contact number and get a ride. That kind of thing can make a huge differncein your life, but it doesn't really ask much from the person doing it - there are probably people driving right past your house.
I can feel utterly wretched with loneliness. That is one of the reasons I have posted about brainstorming about the holidays. I find those pretty hard going.
I used to have a lot of problems with the weekends. I try to set up projects for myself and keep on those.
I also make use of plan a and plan b.
Are there various recovery chat rooms you can go to. I know the chat room here might be difficult due to the time difference, there are however numerous recovery chat rooms perhaps they might help.
I know I have tremendous limitations and I have to plan very carefully what I can and can't do. I do that better with the help of al anon.
Frustration is huge for me its one of the things I have to surrender around and also really work on working around.
