Every other weekend I'm the only one here in this house, and this weekend is one of those. I have always threated those lonely weekends, but this one turned out okay so far. I've been by myself exept for when I went to a f2f on Friday and I went to town with a friend tonight.

I took time for myself and started working on step 4. I bought a step 4 workbook and soon after I started on it I became overwhelmed by all the questions I didn't have an answer to and questions that I didn't even understand. I closed the book and decided to work on it some more later. I don't like starting something and not finishing it, but I suppose this will take some time and I have accepted that fact.

The friend I went to town with is always stressing herself out over so many things. I used to be like that. I still worry about things but not like I used to. I now tell myself alanon slogans and it works most of the time. I listened to her, then let it go. It's none of my business and knowing that makes my life so much easier. She worries about alot of things having to do with people around her, things she can not change.

I used to think that when a good friend would tell me about her problems that I was supposed to help her by giving her advice, and that I should somehow fix it. I used to always be on the phone with a good friend talking about her problems in my relationship and talking about her problems in her relationship, and I can say it wore me out. I did feel good to have someone to talk to, someone who was basically in the same boat, but I now realize both of us were codependent, trying to control the A's in our lives and all that goes along with it. I didn't know anything about alanon back then.

The friend I talked to tonight said that she took my 'advice' I gave her the other day. She then told me about how that 'person' always argues with her. I simply told her 'you can't argue if you don't argue' and she tried it and she told me tonight it worked.

I am seing changes in myself more and more. Earlier when I picked up my friend (her and her family are staying with my ex) I went to see my daughter for a minute at his house. I was happy to see her, but she was in a bad mood. Before alanon I would have kept talking to her, trying to stop her bad mood and trying to figure out why. Well I told her that I was leaving and I would be back to see her when I got back with my friend. What I did was I let go, and even though it bothered me that she was in a bad mood, I accepted it. I did not blame myself. When we got back she was happy again.

I have been feeling so content, I am surprising myself. The house will be more lively tomorrow when my daughter and my bf come back. For now, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. It is so quiet right now, I can hear the neighbors dogs barking. Oh yeah, I'm really not all alone here, I've got my 2 cats and they are always more loving when it's just me.