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AH drinks daily, just lost his driver's liscence due to DUI. We have two kids. I want a separation, he is supposedly looking for a place, we sleep in seperate rooms.
OK, so, last night, a great band comes to town, and I wanna go, but I work till late. Halfway through, they are slow and permit me to leave early. I decide to go to the show with a girlfriend. I call AH and tell him where I'll be.
I go to the show and have the TIME OF MY LIFE! I have a few drinks with the girlfriends and dance ALOT. Late in the night, I turn around and there is AH. The kid are in bed and he walked there. I be very nice, but my girlfriends leave when they see him. I stay and mingle, he follows me and stands awkwardly behind me. When he noticed I had been drinking, he admits to drinking too. I hang around drinking water and soda untill I'm OK to drive. He is very negative, complaining about the people and the place. We bicker a little. Then we go home together.
He tried to sleep in the same bed as me but I said no. I tell him I still want a seperation. he says he knows but I don't think he really understands.
He really brought me down when he showed up. I wonder where my mistake was. Was it in calling him to say I wouldn't be at work? I thought about not telling him, but that's too much like something he would do to me. Plus I don't decieve very well. Going out without him was like having a huge weight lifted, then he showed up and put it back on.
I just have this really guilty feeling like I did something bad.
I feel like I'm giving mixed messages because now that we have split up rooms, life is more tolerable. He behaves very cordial toward me for the most part, and we only really communicate about the children. Occasionally we will watch a TV show. He constantly offers to do me favors, of which I always refuse. When I reminded him today that I STILL wanted a separation, he did not want to talk about it at all and feigned indifference.
Is it so wrong to stay together without "being" together? It's really not that different from before. I guess I just answered my own question; it's not that different from before, and that's why it needs to change. But money is tight...and I guess there never is a convienient time to split up. Oh ouch I am so tired of pondering this.
-- Edited by RainyJamie at 01:19, 2008-09-14
-- Edited by RainyJamie at 01:19, 2008-09-14
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
been there.... after years of worrying about how I have had to keep everything together; discontent from how that life is and continues to be...
when i let myself ---finally--- have a good time, i felt guilty..
today, i get agitated when i DON'T let myself have a good time... i WANT my thinking to PERMIT a happy life.
we are worth it! and our kids need Mom's and Dad's to role model "fun" and "happiness" to break the cyclic nature of our affliction. (by our... i mean "my"... wink wink)
always, with love and hope cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I am in a similiar situation, I live with my A husband but I've wanted to leave numerous times but he begs me to stay with promises of things being better but of course these are empty promises, I try to tolerate his behaviour but mostly I get angry but he just laughs at me and teases me to make me even more angry and frustrated , it isn't until I start crying or not talk to him at all that he stops. Recently he got into into an accident , our car needs repairs and so does the other guy involved , my husband promised to pay for both vehiciles in order to stay out of jail. but he has not stopped drinking and I don't believe he ever will but one thing I made him promise is that he'll never drink and drive again, he said he'll try and keep that promise, imagine , that's the best I could get from him , is that he' d try. I know I will leave him one day but I will need money and transportation so until then I am suffering through, I really hope you can be separated like live apart from your A because I think it's probaly the only way to find true peace and serenity, I think that is true for me too but I just need to wait for the right time. Good luck , to you. o.k. yours linda
